Stood up, Deer John, Butterflies?

Day: 20
Dates Remaining: 26

I just spent an hour crying like a baby. In fact, we could call it bawling. The type where you can barely breathe. Pathetic, yes. Hopeless, yes. Tired, yes. Exhausted, yes. Hungry, yes. Too much wine, yes. Too many emotions, yes. Alone, yes.

In a matter of sixteen hours I managed to ride a bicycle 75km, write a blog, drink too much coffee, play Bocce ball, catch up with friends, get stood up, drink too much wine, have a nice dinner, have another visit, get crushed and make my way home. Now, as I lie here in bed, I wonder how I do it.

It's almost halfway. Almost.

I was feeling defeated. Heartbroken. Lost. Alone. And then the meltdown occurred. Have you ever had one of those? Those horrible moments where all control is completely lost and shattered? Those times where you just don't know what to do with yourself? Where you lose yourself in a random bathroom in the arms of a complete stranger named Jenny?

Well, that happened tonight.

As I mentioned in the previous blog, I had been invited to be someone's date for a wedding. Let's call this particular dud Cold Feet. He called me up yesterday to invite me as a blind date to his sister's wedding. I was impressed; this guy had courage. He was unique and was up for something out of the ordinary.

I planned my day around the event and was stoked to go to my second wedding ever. I made sure to ride the bike this morning and have enough time to catch up with friends and get all dolled up for the event. I couldn't wait.

I made my way home after a visit with my close friends to put on my dress, straighten my hair, do my make-up and get all ready. About twenty minutes before my date was supposed to pick me up, the phone rang. It was him and the conversation went something like this:

Cold Feet: Hey, have you ever been stood up? Do you have a back-up date?

Me (wondering what was with this guy): Well, yes, I have been stood up and I don't make back-up dates.

Cold Feet: You must have had a date before I called you yesterday.

Me: I have some dates planned far in advance but this wedding was a day by day plan that I'm stoked for.

(Awkward Silence).

Cold Feet: Well I don't think you should come. I'll read your blog and write you an e-mail later. Bye.

Me (Why am I so nice?) : Okay, have fun tonight, bye.

Wow, this is stood up #3. Unreal.

Dressed up and ready to go, I dove into bed. I called some friends. I felt defeated. I was so excited to go to a wedding and that plan was all over.

Some good friends were headed out for a celebration and since it was a dress-up event, I was stoked to go with them. They encouraged me to join a friend of theirs, Deer John, as his date. This friend was cute and nice so I was keen. Anything to forget being stood up again. But just before heading out to the restaurant, Deer John informed me that he had a girlfriend. You would think that minor detail would have come up hours before he agreed to be my date? Honestly.

Disappointed again, I was off to the restaurant. Then, the phone rang. Butterflies (see Butterflies post) was on the line. Though we had been on a date, we spend quite a bit of friend time together as well. Oh, I would have done anything to see Butterflies. Mmmmm. So I invited him for dinner and he agreed to join us.

No longer disappointed and rather excited, I couldn't wait for him to get to the restaurant. He did show up, (I don't know if I could have dealt with being stood up again), but he was distracted and absent. One might say he was off in another world. Perhaps he was just tired and stressed, I have no idea.

Either way, I went to the bathroom. I stood there for a while, staring at the mirror and wondering how life had gotten so wildly out of control. I have no idea why but suddenly I felt like the world was crashing down on me and I couldn't make the feeling go away. I couldn't even bring myself to go back to the dinner table so I continued staring until Jenny, someone I have never met before, bombed through the door and said, "Hey, is everything okay?"

Don't you hate when people ask you that and you are on the verge of losing it? Well, I lost it. She held me tight as tears streamed down my cheeks. "It's going to be okay, you will be fine," she repeated as I cried too hard to utter any words. I tried to tell her everything but that was impossible. She held me until I had the strength to get myself together and head back to my table to devour some dessert and get the hell out of there.

Butterflies drove me home and luckily I made it upstairs before bursting into tears. What on earth is wrong with me? I called Sarah and she reassured me. Then another good friend called and came over for a visit. She cheered me up. I feel better.

I then made my way to bed to check my e-mail and got a message from 5 Seconds (read 5 Seconds post): "I was chatting with a really close colleague of mine about our date when another co-worker from a different department overheard us talking and apparently had been reading your blog since the start and exclaimed, 'WOW, you're 5 seconds?! That's great!' And the people here who are following your blog love your writing, just thought I'd let you know. Keep it up!"

All of a sudden, everything is okay again. All kinds of people are reading my blog and recognizing the stories and that makes me so happy. Now, I'm in bed. It's fantastic, I love my duvet. Alone, yes. Happy, yes. Too many emotions, yes. Tired, yes. Too much wine, yes. Exhausted, yes. Bed time, yes. Good night, yes.