Lava What?

I took the plunge. I dove in head first. I jumped right into the fire and signed up for Plenty of Fish and Lavalife.

First, I registered for Plenty of Fish. Wow, are there ever plenty of fish in that online sea. It’s more like a vast ocean full of fish seeking a mate. Some of them are swimming at warp speed, eager to meet up after only exchanging a couple of e-mails. Others, however, ask a million questions and want to know every last detail about me. Nonetheless, I have had numerous guys asking me out so it should not be too hard to drum up a few dates from this site.

Then, there was Lavalife. Little did I know that when you sign up for this service, your profile goes into three sections: dating, relationship and intimate.

Regardless, I signed into my account and was thrilled to have an Instant Message right away. It was a simple, “Hi, how are you” to which I responded immediately before reviewing the guy’s profile. Instead of continuing with small talk as I thought he would, I was completely floored when he said: “You look like one sexy, naughty little girl and I would love to rip your clothes off and lick you all over….. You will see in my profile that I have a wife and kids and I hope that that is okay with you.”

What? Was this for real? Of course that was not okay with me! I was so shocked that I almost fell off my chair. I had to read that twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I couldn’t figure out why someone would write something so ridiculous and rude. It was then that I realized that my profile had also been posted to the “intimate” section of the site. To these animalistic men, I was fresh meat.

I quickly learned that having a profile on the intimate section is like being at the mercy of a bunch of caged animals suddenly let free. They attack quickly and with full force. Unwilling to be their prey, I fumbled around the site, frantically attempting to get my information off of this sexual meat market.

However, before I knew it, six more horny guys had sent me equally filthy messages. It was as though the guys were sitting around on Lavalife, waiting for someone new to sign on so they could gear up and strike fast. It was like a stampede of sex drives invading my computer screen. Finally, I figured out how to get my details off of the intimate section and peace was resumed.

Since then, I have received a few regular e-mails on Lavalife and regular communication continues on Plenty of Fish. So far, I have to say that I’m finding internet dating to be quite fun. There are so many profiles to fish through and you can even narrow down your search to try to find exactly what you are looking for. It’s as glorious as shopping for ice cream in a store with thousands of flavours to chose from! Despite the creepy messages on Lavalife, the experience thus far has been rather positive but I’m sure it will only get more interesting as time goes on and as I start meeting these guys for dates in person.

Parameters

First off, I would like to thank all of you who have begun following this blog. It is surely going to get even funnier and more out there when the 50 days begins.

Evidently, I have been posed boat loads of questions about this experience. Who? What? When? How? And occasionally I get asked: Have you gone completely crazy? Well, I sure hope I haven’t.

Either way, it is only after much reflection that I have been able to come up with the following parameters:

1. 50 dates in 50 days
2. It does not have to be one date per day. For example, there could be three in one day and then none the next day. It just has to add up to 50 dates in 50 days.
3. I will go on a maximum of two dates per person. At first I thought it would be only one per person; however, in the past, second dates have had the potential to be even more interesting than the first.
4. These dates will stem from all realms of life: blind dates, friends of friends, people from the bar, internet dating, speed dating, singles socials, etc.
5. Even though an event such as speed dating may have me go on twenty 5 minute dates in one night, it only counts as two dates.

Then there are the big questions: What if you fall for someone? How do you cut him off after two dates? What if he is “The One?”

I’m not sure if I could fall for someone after a date or two but I never say never. However, I am committed to this project and if a serious connection develops, that person will hopefully understand that the life of a writer isn’t always easy and that I have to finish what I started. If he cannot understand this, then how could he be “The One?”

I also want to clarify that the purpose of this is not to meet my future husband. If that happens, fantastic, but that is not the ultimate goal here. Also, I am not doing this to get out there and lead a scandalous life. That is not me and never will be.

As previously mentioned, I am eager to provide you, the reader, with some leg slapping entertainment. It is also a good way to create a platform for my writing in hopes of getting my book published in the near future.

I hope that this entry has answered your questions and made you more eager for the 50 days to start on April 12. Until then, I will update you on the intricacies of lining up all of these dates which, to be honest, has already begun!

Good evening everyone, meet Poison

Before I dive into more details about the 50 Dates in 50 days, I want to share a story with you about the recent ex boyfriend that will enable you to better understand why it was a very destructive relationship. In fact, being with him felt like there was a lethal substance flowing through my veins and sucking the life right out of me. Therefore, from now on, this ex boyfriend will be known as Poison.

As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, Poison is very much wrapped up in himself which is why when he phoned me yesterday, all he did was go on and on about his recent adventures. I have to say that having him call was just about as painful as a root canal but I was still somewhat intrigued about why he had called.

I half listened to him ramble on and then proceed to ask him a simple question: “Hey, where did I go to university?” Sounding quite stumped, he hesitantly responded, “Some special school in some small town in Ontario.”

Wow, what an answer. A lamp post could have come up with a more intelligent response. I can’t believe he didn’t even know this about me since I had told him quite a few stories about my university years. Nonetheless, I can’t say that I was too surprised. I followed his response with, “Well, which one? And where?” He then answered, “I don’t know Ontario’s geography. You went somewhere and I’m not sure the town name. I don’t see why this is important anyway.”

Maybe I’m crazy but shouldn’t a person who claims to be madly in love with you know a thing or two about you and retain information that you told them? This could be a minor detail but it just shows how much he really knows about me: Nothing!

Poison really did not want to accept that the relationship that ended months ago is still over for me so when we were getting off the phone he said, “I’m going to get going now but just know that I’m coming back this summer and I’m going to get you back.” Right, I thought to myself as I hung up.

And by the way, my “special school in some small town” was York University in Toronto. Enough said.

Speaking to Poison made me even more excited to get going with the 50 dates in 50 days. It seems inevitable that I’m going to meet many more interesting characters such as Poison who I can’t wait to tell you all about.

Now, I have had many questions about the details of the 50 dates in 50 days: How is it going to work? How are you going to meet these people? How are you going to have time? I have been doing a lot of thinking about the structure and rules for this experience. I’m still working on the finer details right now and I plan on posting them here over the next couple of days so stay tuned!

Am I really doing this?

So here I am, it's almost midnight, I have to work in seven hours and instead of sleeping like a responsible career lady, I'm thinking about men. Wow, is there nothing better to think about? Of course there is! But somehow, I have become as boy crazed as a hormonal teenager. There must be something polluting the Calgary air these days.

Well it could be the pollution, or perhaps the fact that I recently got myself out of the most destructive relationship I have ever been in. Details aren't necessary but you can say that I was dating one of the most narcissistic human beings alive who was sucking the life right out of me.

I got out of that mess and suddenly, I could breathe! The liberating feeling of my sudden freedom was positively overwhelming. I couldn't stop smiling. As corny as it sounds, I was high on life. I was and still am walking around in a bubble of glory, so happy to be out of that wretched mess and back in control of my life.

Well, almost in control. You see, being boy crazy creates a high level of excitement with limited control and this spell has recently overcome my existence. It is driving me nuts but seems to be providing endless entertainment for my friends whose long term relationships don't drum up too much drama.

Anyhow, before I dive into the details of my new project, it's important for you to know that I wrote a book about dating. Not another lame "how to" book, but one that is divided into relevant chapters such as rejection, timing and love triangles. Embedded in the chapters are stories of outrageous dating catastrophes sure to leave your sides sore from laughing so hard. I would love nothing more than to get it published; however, writing letters to agents and publishers is quite like throwing a message in a bottle into the ocean and hoping to get a response. Highly, highly unlikely.

So I've been talking to numerous people about my book and heard many times about the importance of creating a platform and getting my name out there. I have blogged before so I know the amount of attention that an interesting website can attract.

However, I did not want to simply write about the dating experiences that are in the book because that would defeat the purpose of writing the book. I thought about it and with a bit of encouragement decided that a side project was in order.

Now, this isn't just any project. This is one that will require discipline, persistence and quite possibly a bit of skill. Well, a lot of skill. Throw some time management and patience in there and blend it up with a bit of tolerance and here you have it: 50 dates in 50 days.

How? Who? What? These are some questions you may be asking yourself. Well, I'm going to have to do some work on the finer details of this situation but essentially I am going to put myself out there and go on 50 dates in a matter of 50 days. I'm going to sleep on this idea tonight. And maybe for a few more nights to come up with a master plan so stay tuned!