Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Alone Time

How could I resist a stop for coffee and internet? Impossible! It has been an epic few days full of biking, beaching and relaxing. I'm trying to get organized and figure out what I'm going to do next in life but there are just too many choices. Some people, myself included, may refer to this as a quarter life crisis. But how long can it last? This feeling of confusion and uncertainty has to go away at some point, right?

Well, I sure hope so because I can't just jump into my van and take off with my bikes whenever I feel that I need to sort things out. But, for now, it's brilliant.

I spent the first two days of my holidays mountain biking with friends. Since Monday I've been on my own road biking and relaxing on the beach. It's been a good opportunity to really sit down and think about the 50 Dates in 50 Days and how it affected me and what I've learned. I'm writing all of that in the book!

It's also been interesting to be totally alone for a few days. Last night, I parked my van on the side of a vineyard overlooking the city (Kelowna) and slept in the back of my van. It was brilliant; million dollar views for free.

I woke up and headed out for an epic road bike ride before stopping for this delicious coffee. The beach is waiting for me but I'd like to say that I highly recommend quality alone time like this. In our fast paced, rat race lives, it's sometimes difficult to escape, relax and evaluate what's going on.

I find that a lot of people in relationships rarely spend alone time because when they aren't at work or with friends, they are with their significant other. It's very easy to get into a comfortable situation and start to depend on another person. I have to say that there were moments where a co-pilot would have been nice on this trip; for example, to put sunscreen on my back or to read a map so I don't drive off the road while trying to drive and navigate simultaneously or especially for cuddling in the back of the van but really, it's been great. I'm glad I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and took off on this mini-adventure. If you ever get a chance, I highly recommend it!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

A Well Needed Holiday.

Why is it that we want what we can't have? Why is the grass always greener on the other side? I don't know if I will ever understand this phenomenon but I have to say, it's true.

My friend said today, "In any situation, when you start to pull away, the other person wants you more." That comment got me thinking. When someone is really into me, it can be too easy. It can take away the thrill of the chase and for whatever silly reason, the chase is fun. Who doesn't like a little challenge?

When someone is kind of showing signs of interest and then not and then back on, somewhat like flipping a steak, I get all up in arms and want them more. It's so stupid and if I was smart in this department, I would just know when to walk away. However, that is simply easier said than done.

But is it really worth investing energy into something that you can't have? Or someone that just doesn't want you back? It sounds crazy but it's human nature; at least, for me it is.

This takes me back to the topic of hard to get. I guess hard to get must work. Really, if I always want what I can't have, I answered my own question. I shouldn't be so eager and available.

So on that note, I'm not going to be available for a while because I'm off on a week long solo bike trip to various destinations in BC. I can't wait to rip around on the bike, sit on a beach, work on writing the book, sip martinis and hopefully, relax.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Friend Zone

Is the friend zone the end zone? Once you have a good friendship with a member of the opposite sex, does that mean that the potential for romance is down the tubes?

I was having this conversation with a buddy last week and we didn't come to much of a conclusion. I don't think there are rules about this phenomenon but once a strong friendship is developed, it's definitely hard to make a change.

You see, I've been in a few situations where I've found myself attracted to a good friend but totally unable to do or say anything about it for fear of ruining the friendship. There is also that horrible, unbearable feeling known as rejection that gets in the way of the truth.

What's even worse is when you meet someone who you really like and the feelings are mutual. But then you end up spending so much time together that you move into this infamous friend zone and it becomes awkward to think of having things any other way even though there was such a potential for this at the start.

I guess the fear is that no one wants to step out of the comfort of the friendship for fear of ruining the situation. But here is my question, can you really have a true friendship if someone has hidden feelings? I feel that this is not possible because deep down inside these feelings could be tearing one person apart and driving them crazy.

However, my buddy with whom I was having this conversation disagrees. He thinks that it is absolutely essential for any healthy relationship to be based on a good friendship. Therefore, according to him, regardless of whether or not one person has feelings, the friendship can be true.

I see his point; however, the friendship can only go on with hidden feelings for so long. I feel strongly about this because I have been in a situation a few years ago where I had feelings for a close friend but never said anything for fear of ruining the friendship and creating social discomfort amongst our group of friends. In the end, my feelings left me unfulfilled and eventually the friendship disintegrated.

Either way, the friend zone is a tricky place. It's scary to profess feelings to a friend but is it worth it to keep them a secret? But overall, the big question is, how do you avoid being stuck in the friend zone?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Ah, The Relationships.

Have you ever been deep in the woods and completely swarmed by bugs? You know, that annoying feeling where they are buzzing all over and no matter how much you swat them, they never go away?

Well, I feel that same way about relationships. Those little love bugs are everywhere and won't go away. They are kissing in the streets, holding hands at Starbucks, skipping around in the parking lot and overall, making me want to vomit in my mouth on a daily basis.

Am I jealous? Maybe. Am I lonely? Perhaps. But most of all, it's so irritating when these people in relationships make you feel like some kind of outcast because you don't have a significant other.

This has happened on so many occasions I don't even know where to begin. So what if I don't want to bring a date? Who cares if I'm the third, fifth or seventh wheel?
Yes, it can be trying at times but it's only worse when all the couples say things like, "Oh you will find someone soon," or, "It's alright to be single." How do they know?

I guess I went on this rant because I'm heading out of town this week end and I received an e-mail that read, "All of the couples get a bedroom and everyone else can take the couches and floor." So, are singles second class citizens? We don't deserve a bed or a room? Maybe I'm just being emotional and sensitive but I think it should all be fair game.

However, I guess that's not up to me to decide. Either way, even if I'm stuck on the hard, cold floor, I still think being single is pretty darn fantastic.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Hard to Get

For some reason, my Mum always told me that I should play hard to get. Somehow, I could never master this mysterious art. I always thought that it was because these games were silly but it could also be because I have the same amount of patience as a one-year-old.

Either way, how on earth do you play hard to get? How does it work? Is this the only way to really get someone to like you? By ignoring phone calls and abiding by three day rules? Ugg, how exhausting.

I thought of this topic because I stumbled upon an article about someone's top ten dating tips. The tenth tip outlined the importance of being mysterious and encouraged the thrill of the chase. Apparently the longer a person is made to chase, the more likely love is to blossom. Really, am I supposed to believe this?

Though I am somehow skeptical, maybe this article and my mother (who has not been in the dating scene for over 35 years) are right. Perhaps calling people back right away or wanting to hang out with someone I like is all backwards. I must have this all wrong.

But I don't want to simply hibernate away in a cave to play hard to get. Are there rules to this game that supposedly encourages true love to blossom? Do many people out there really actively play hard to get?

Friday, June 11, 2010

What is the Etiquette?

I'm just sitting with a good friend who thinks that it's okay to disappear after a few dates and not tell the other person what happened or why.

We are having a bit of a disagreement because I think that it's nice when someone tells the other person what's going on instead of simply leaving phone calls and text messages unanswered.

Evidently, it also depends how many times you saw each other and what you did with your time together, but I think there is a certain level of respect that both parties deserve when ending a dating scenario. I guess it might be okay if both people are uninterested and neither one is calling the other but that seems to be a rare occurrence.

My friend and I started discussing this topic because after five or six rather extensive dates with a guy, he just vanished. He was pursuing me like crazy and then just fell off the face of the earth. I'd be lying if I said that I am sitting here heart broken but it just seems strange that people think it's socially acceptable to pursue someone and treat them so nicely to then drop them like a basketball.

I can't say that I have never simply stopped calling and disappeared but it doesn't seem like such a big deal after one or two dates. Any more than that, however, I think some respectful closure is in order. Maybe I'm wrong? What do you think? At what point is it unacceptable to just stop dating without letting the other person know?

Monday, June 7, 2010

What Do You Want?

Have you ever gone to the ice cream store and had trouble choosing which flavour you want? Really, when they have dozens to chose from, how can it be an easy decision? Mint chocolate chip, vanilla, chocolate chunk, strawberry swirl, there are so many delicious options!

And, if it's so hard to chose an ice cream flavour, how is one supposed to make life decisions? How are we supposed to know what kind of career to pursue, where we want to live and who we want to be with? To some, this seems to fall into place but if you are like me, it's a constant blur.

You see, I think a lot of people find a job they are okay with, a house that is just a place to sleep and a spouse that they can tolerate. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I see this type of complacency all the time. Isn't there more to life than that?

Well, I don't know of there is be but I definitely think there should be. Is it really because it's so easy to settle or is it because, like at the ice cream store, so many people don't know what they want.

When I have no idea what I want, I just pick something and stick with it. That's not a big deal for an ice cream flavour or a week end plan; however, it's another ball game when you're dealing with life altering choices such as a boyfriend/spouse.

All of this blabber has to do with one of the million conclusions I have come to recently: many people do not know what they want so they just take something that comes along and seems okay and that's that. Complacency ensues and the fear of loneliness or never finding anything better sets in. What can one do to avoid this common trap? And, when you think about it, do you really know what you want?

Friday, June 4, 2010


What is romance? Is it flowers and chocolates? Is it long walks on the beach? Is it a passionate kiss? Or is it simply the warm fuzzy feeling that someone gives you when you are together?

Regardless, it seems that most of us are seeking some kind of romance in our lives. Why might this be? Well, I think that we are just programmed this way. To me, it's just that simple.

Either way, I got home this evening and unloaded some things out of my van. Somehow, on a daily basis, my vehicle always manages to look like a tornado blew through it. I shuffled around my stuff trying to fit everything into my two hands and then headed towards the door of my building. From a distance, I saw that there was a stuffed animal type flower sticking out of the wall in the doorway.

I thought that this was interesting since it was the same type of flower that one of my dates, Mystery, gave me on our first date about a month ago. He had arrived to pick me up with the same type of flower and had said, "I brought you this flower because it will never die." I thought that was sweet and I still have the cute flower with a wire stem and smiley face sitting on my couch.

So tonight, with my hands overloaded with stuff, I walked towards my building and saw that this similar flower had a note attached to it. I was shocked when I saw that the note had my name on it. Perplexed and excited, I took the items and hauled all the stuff upstairs, thrilled to open and read my mysterious message.

The nearly blank piece of paper read, "Have a great week end beautiful." (signed, my date, Mystery). Cute? Yes. Romantic? Indeed. A surprise? Without a doubt. The first time anything like this has ever happened? Absolutely.

So, again, what is romance? Everyone has their own definition of it but I'd say that this thoughtful and sweet action was definitely romantic to me. Would you agree?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A Great Boyfriend

Can you believe that dating can be more tiring than bike riding? How is is possible that going out for dinner or drinks can be more exhausting than hauling yourself and a bike up a mountain? That doesn't sound logical but somehow, it's true. I guess it's because I didn't just go on a couple of dates but a whopping fifty dates.

In order to recover, I could have taken a day to do nothing. Really, do nothing. But instead, I took a day off to gallivant around the mountains on my bike. And it was absolutely fantastic. I couldn't have had a dreamier day. No man's company could have compared to the feeling of the sun peeking through the clouds and the warm air hitting my face as I barreled down technical single track trails.

You see, the bicycle is a great boyfriend. I can ride him as much as I want and he never talks back. A real live boyfriend would be fantastic in the long run, but my Trek will do in the meantime.

So, yes, I took a day off and spent it outside and I feel like a whole new person. I am refreshed and energized. I am happy and relaxed. But most of all, I am more prepared than ever for anything to be thrown my way and to continue conquering life in the city as a single lady.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Dirty Story to Finish Off With

As you know, I took Easy on a date last night for the final date of 50 Dates in 50 Days. We had a great time and to switch things up a bit, Easy did the blog writing, picked the nickname and of course, chose the title. Enjoy:

There is something surprisingly nice about having a woman pick you up for a date; especially when that someone is a dating expert like my date yesterday who will be known as Dirty Girl. Now get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not what you think. After all, she did call me Easy!

Dirty Girl picked me up and whisked me away on a day full of all of her “favourite things.” It began with a bite to eat at her favourite lunch spot and then proceeded to another one of her favourite places that "begins with S and ends in S" ... it had tarbuck in the middle. This girl loves Starbucks as this was the first of two times we visited Starbucks... in two different cities. Well, I don't know if Canmore is technically a city or not, but that's where she took us to next. But not before announcing that we would be having a double date, and going mountain biking with one of her best friends and her date of choice.

Picture this... a beautiful girl with long blond hair, sweaty, covered in mud, stoked to be hanging out with you in the mountains on a mountain bike, rides up with a big smile on her face, and gives you a big hug. For a man who loves mountains and mountain biking as much as I do, this is about as good as it gets. :) There is something so irresistible to me, about how Dirty Girl (yes I named her that because of the mud, stop thinking anything different now) can get dirty and sweaty and love it, and then hours later look stunning in a cocktail dress at a social event. Having both of those worlds in one... HOT!

After biking, we met up with some of her most treasured friends, a Canmore couple who she loves dearly. When you are getting to know someone, it's always interesting to meet the people who are most important in their life. Dirty Girl has some amazing people in her life and I felt honoured that she would share them with me.

Upon arriving home to Calgary, we stopped at the grocery store to pick up ingredients to make a wonderful dinner together. This was a really nice way to finish off our day together. Working on something where both people contribute is such a good exercise for people to engage in when getting to know each other. You get to see how the other party works and communicates. Well, I would have, except my date was preoccupied with sending emails with photos to Breakfast Television for her interview the next morning. So I was stuck with the arm share of dinner preparation!

All in all, it was a really good date. Do I think I will see this Dirty Girl again...time will tell. But I think so :)

Thanks for the votes!