Sunday, May 16, 2010

Don't OverBoil

Day: 34
Dates Remaining: 13

Hey Calgarians, check the Herald tomorrow (Monday, May 17) as 50 Dates in 50 Days should be featured in the Life section!

Now how is it possible that I can ride my bicycle hundreds of kilometres but can't get my stinking bike out of a truck and into the garage without wiping out? AH! Well, if you haven't guessed, I just took an epic spill in the driveway resulting in a painful knee injury on my already horribly painful knee. I'm now lying on the couch with my leg propped up hoping that this agony will soon subside. And of course, I scraped my knee right across my already hideous scar from last year's knee surgery. What a klutz, eh?

And what might be just as painful as this poor little knee was my date yesterday. I'm not saying that the person was terrible, but the chemistry just wasn't there for me which made it hard for me to spend an hour over brunch listening to him talk.

In fact, before I get into details as to why I wanted to dive under the breakfast table and hide, I want to clarify that by no means am I saying something terrible about this man but just about the experience.

This may sound naive, but I believe that almost everyone has a good heart and good intentions; it's just that we aren't all on the same wavelength. And this is a good thing because if everyone was the same, the world would be a boring place.

Anyway, I met this man, who I will call Boil, because talking to him was as uneventful as watching a pot of water, waiting for it to boil. In fact, he must have caught me glimpsing away as I constantly got distracted by other people at the cafe who were grabbing my attention more than he was.

The interesting part of this date was that before we met, Boil wrote fantastic, witty e-mails that led me to believe he'd be sweet and comical. But it was quite the opposite as we didn't talk about too much and it took him until the date was half over to ask me a question about myself. Since my experience dating Poison (see Poison entry), I always notice right away when someone just goes on about themselves and their job, their activities or whatever else.

And when he started talking about his two teenage kids, I almost fell off my chair. By no means do I have anything against people with kids, but I just don't think I'd be very helpful with two teenagers. At times, it's hard to simply take care of myself.

Before Boil and I decided to meet for brunch, he had made numerous other suggestions that were unique but also very time consuming. I did not have a whole day free yesterday so that's how we decided on the shorter date. I'm glad we did because I was also turned off when he said, "I want to take you on a more exciting date so I can out-do the others on the blog."

Well, for the record, this is not a competition to out-do one another. You know, someone could come up with the most unique, earth shattering adventure but if there is no chemistry, then there is no chemistry. I love Starbucks and if I get along with someone over some hot java, that's better than spending hours on end with a dud, don't you think? It's quality, not quantity that matters.

3 comments:

  1. I think you maybe a bit harsh on this poor guy. Having never met you, he probably felt he had to keep the conversation moving and to ask a lady all about her life when you have just met, might come across as a bit, oh I dont know.... 'stalkerish'?? I can guarantee he was probably nervous as well sitting with you.

    Conversations with complete strangers are normally about the weather, so if he kept the chatter going for an hour....then well done to him. Next time, you can maybe join in and then it is called a conversation.

    You say you arent saying anything terrible about this man but I think the falling off the chair comment about his kids was rude. I am sure he wasn't asking you to raise them.

    I hope your next date is more successful.
    If there is chemistry and love at first sight, I am sure alot of women would want to know about it.

    CHEERS

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  2. I get what you are saying about quality of the person you are on a date with, but us guys, we compete with each other. Any guy who reads this blog and then takes you out, will compete with the others, whether in uniqueness or epicness of the date.(those are not really "words" per se I know, but they get the point across :P). Also the Coffee at Starbucks comment, while sweet, could be seen as an easy out for some guys, then you get no special dates :(.

    I could get in a lot of trouble for sharing this stuff with you about men, if they find out who I am they will take away my membership.

    stupid blogspot won't let me use my wordpress ID.
    http://dantric.wordpress.com

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  3. I have to disagree with points in the above post. It's not a competition in any way. Any guy who is treating it like this is only hurting themselves. If she isn't a good fit for you, that's it. Trying to impress someone into liking you is a fools game. Like the old saying goes, be yourself.

    Dating is about showing the other person your world, and your purpose. Painting a false one by competing wastes everyone's time, especially your own. The major issue most men have is they walk into this with the false pretence that they need to compete; which in essence is creating goals outside their own personal boundaries and by definition is called suffering. The more healthy approach is to spend time working on yourself to become the most interesting and highest self you can achieve. Everything else will take care of it's self when this is the focus of your path.

    The other issue with competing for someone's love off the bat like this, is how do they know if they even want to be with her? Coming from this frame is a scarcity mentality. The dating process is as much a process for the man to make sure she is a good fit for him. There are 3 billion other women out there. Now assuming you're a VERY picky person that still leaves millions of other better fits. To say compete in dating would assume there are winners and losers and also assume that they feel winning a girl is like a trophy. Competing is for sports. In dating there is only best fits.

    The best approach is not to hide behind the masks people put up, putting their best foot forward on dates, and generally acting out of character by competing against other men. Why waste everyone's time? Thus giving the women a false pretence of who you're she develops feelings for someone whom you're not. Than months down the line, she finds out who you really are and she isn't interested in this person. Now months of time, for both parties have been wasted. Instead of hiding behind masks a better way is being man enough to put everything you have on the table and see if there is anything worth pursuing after this. I have never walked away from a dating experience where I have felt I have lost.

    ...actually scratch that. I own 14 mansions, a couple villas, I have one of each of the exotic cars in every color, my family owns the entire country of Switzerland (this is why they remain neutral in foreign affairs because my family is just super stellar like that), I have perfected the time machine, I own property on Mars, after we become a couple you will magically have super human powers, and I have a pet giraffe, because that's very important to women! Yes, that is irresistibly compelling, line up women!

    ReplyDelete