The Chase; Is It Really Thrilling?

You know, it's been two and a half months since 50 Dates in 50 Days ended but I'm still amazed by everything that happened in that 50 day time frame. I'm always telling friends that it was life altering but I really have a hard time explaining that bold statement.

How did it change my life? What happened that was so shocking?

Well...what didn't happen? That's probably a better question.

Either way, after all the dating, I'll never understand the chase. I will never get why there is a three day rule for calling. In fact, I will never comprehend why there are rules at all. Most importantly, it's a mystery to me why women have to be the ones being chased. Why can't we pick up the phone when we want to talk to a guy?

Yes, people say that it's an even playing ground but let's face reality, guys are the pursuers. They like to go after a woman and if we make ourselves too available they back off and find someone else. At what point does this end? At what point can a lady feel comfortable that calling or messaging a guy is not going to scare him off?

Now that I'm taking off on holidays for a while, I'll have time to really reflect on this mystery as well as all of the life altering 50 days and take some quality time to work on writing my book, 50 Dates in 50 Days - uncut. I'm spending a while out in the boons of Ontario with no internet, phone reception or connection to the outer world so it will be a good time to write and hopefully restore my faith in dating.

Appreciation

Why is it that it's so easy to take things for granted? Have you ever heard the expression, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?"

This goes for anything in life; work, family, friends and of course, relationships. Way back when I was in a serious long term relationship, my boyfriend used to do the nicest things. He cooked me great dinners, drove me all over the place and treated me like a princess.

No part of me regrets the ending of that relationship; however, I look back and feel that I didn't always appreciate the things he did. I didn't know any different so, yes, I took his kind actions for granted.

After dating a whole pile of men, I know that it's hard to find someone who pays attention to the finer details and who genuinely cares about other people. Maybe some guys are simply clueless but many of them are completely wrapped up with themselves. So, when I do come across a date or a friend who isn't like that, I really make a point to be sure that I do not take it for granted.

This brings me to wonder why it's so easy to get angry and focus on the negative things in life. Why don't we tell people more often how much we appreciate them? How hard is it to say thank you, I love you, you are fantastic, you mean so much to me? Really, those words aren't spoken nearly enough. Instead, I always hear people complaining about something negative or about something someone didn't do. Why not focus on what someone did do and appreciate that?

It isn't to say that we can always be positive but perhaps making an effort to, once a day, tell someone who matters just that. I have recently been trying to do this and trust me, everyone appreciates it.

The 3 Month Mark

Have you ever noticed that many relationships end after three months? I don't know what it is with the three month mark but something shifts at that time. Maybe someone gets scared of commitment? Perhaps someone drops the L-bomb too soon? Or is it that people's true colours finally start to shine through?

I don't have the answer to these questions but I do know for certain that something changes at the three month point. If I look back, I have had many situations that lasted just three months. It was almost like clockwork. Things started getting tense, we both wanted different things and the little spark that once was fizzled.

So would it not make more sense to just get to know someone for three months before starting to date? Perhaps developing a solid friendship first is the way to go?

I decided to write about this topic because it has come up in conversation numerous times over the past couple of days. One person I was talking to said that after three months, he found that girls' faults and craziness started to show and that's what freaks him out about the three month mark. Another friend of mine said that if a relationship is to be successful, the couple should wait three months before becoming intimate.

As for myself, my past three month relationships ended because I found that at this point, the honeymoon stage was over and I had gotten to know the person a lot better and had learned that there were too many negative qualities that would get in the way of a healthy relationship.

Either way, regardless of the situation, something happens at the three month mark. I wish I had answers to this mysterious time line but I will never know exactly how to describe this phenomenon. I can, however, say for certain that I, just like many others, am aware and weary of this three month turning point.