Friday, November 19, 2010

Connect

I was at the liquor store today and someone came in to buy a case of beer. He pulled out his wallet to pay as he said, "Finally, I can go home, put on my pajamas and get drunk."

I couldn't help myself, I laughed. However, to him, this was no joking matter. I felt bad for a second and then wondered. Was this man upset? Depressed? Unsatisfied? Single? Heartbroken? All of the above?

I certainly wasn't about to ask him his life story but he got me thinking about all of the men I have met recently and especially those I went on dates with during the 50 days.

Not that all of my dates are out their drinking away their sorrows and loneliness, but they all, at one point or another, expressed their desire to meet someone. To fall in love. To get married. To start a family.

Now, I'm having a coffee at Starbucks and looking around wondering about this pursuit of love and a life with someone. There are lots of nice looking men sitting here alone. Are they married? Are they lonely? Are they in love? Are they fulfilled? I'd be lying if I said that I don't think about this a lot. Obviously, it fascinates me.

What I'm even more interested is the disconnect between all of the men that I have met and dated, all 50 or so of them, and the great women out there. Yes, we all know about speed dating and internet dating; however, there has to be a better way to harvest connections.

Trying to solve this mystery and writing the book have kept me busy. The book is going great. In fact, it's nearly done being written. What's hard about it, however, is that every time I write a story about a date, feelings, happiness or frustration, I relive the experience. I remember all of the events, good and bad, but I feel them as I write about them. The heartbreaks bring a frog in my throat. The comical dates make me laugh.

Writing about my personal life on a blog was great but wasn't always easy. But writing it again with more raw details about the men, the intimacy and the emotions has been one of the hardest challenges of my life. That being said, I look forward to being able to get the book published and allow you to understand what really happened during those 50 days.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Love

Love can be powerful, painful and beautiful. We are all born with the ability to love and be loved. It's something that everyone can experience regardless of age, colour, shape, sex, location, etc.

I have been traveling around Hawaii and I have met so many people from all over the world. It's interesting how often the topics of love, dating and relationships get mentioned. I made a point not to start these conversations but people seem to love to talk about these topics with me.

I was chatting with someone the other day on the beach who said that whether they will admit it or not, most men are also in the pursuit of true love. He said men may try to be all tough and macho but on the inside they just want to care for someone and have that feeling reciprocated.

That was exactly the case with 5 Seconds whose pursuit of love has come to and end. I have been writing about his adventure to date 10 women in 30 days in hopes of finding that special someone.

Did he find her? Has he been swept off his feet? Right now, he's not sure. He has not jumped into a serious relationship; however, there are a few women he would see again. Only time will tell if any of those situations will grow into anything.

He enjoyed his last date on the week end with a woman known as Mellow as she was calm and collected. For him, she was one of the most positive people he had ever encountered which he found very refreshing.

5 Seconds picked up his date before stopping for groceries and heading back to his place to concoct a delicious dinner. Though they had a nice time chatting, 5 Seconds didn't feel any sparks but he could tell that she did. Was he getting tired of meeting new women all the time? Was he becoming too picky? Or was there really no connection? That is a tricky thing about the dating world, which can be very overwhelming especially when dating so many people at the same time.

5 Seconds and I agree that the biggest pain in the ass and most unfortunate thing about dating is that you can meet someone that you like but they may not like you, or vice versa. Really, how do two people ever meet and feel the same way? It's still a mystery to me.

5 Seconds and his date watched a movie before he drove her home. She was waiting for a good night kiss, but 5 Seconds did not want to lead her on. Though she was an amazing girl, he knew that she wasn't for him so he ended the date and will not be seeing her again.

When I get back from Hawaii, I'll have to meet up with 5 Seconds to see how he is doing, what he is feeling and if things have progressed with any of the other women that he met. It will be understandable if he is feeling confused, tired, lost and even more alone than he did before this quest for love began.

Personally, I am sick and tired of hearing people tell me that "things happen when you least expect them." If one more person tells me, "oh, you are a great girl, you deserve someone," I will stick a fork in their eyes. But, perhaps they are right and when things are meant to happen for myself, 5 Seconds, or anyone else seeking a mate, it will just happen in the most unexpected fashion. If not, being single is also wonderful. Seriously, it is.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Island Paradise and 5 Seconds' Disaster

I Googled 50 Dates in 50 Days just to see what would come up. It's amazing to see that the whole first page of search results were about my experience. It's also amazing that I just got an e-mail to be interviewed by Reader's Digest. Though this experience was over months ago, the readership hasn't ceased. This is fantastic because the more people that know about the book, the better!

I also stumbled upon a few people's blogs who wrote about my 50 dates. One that I found particularly entertaining was This One. I was particularly happy to read all of the comments.

On another note, it's amazing that I can go almost anywhere and find Starbucks. Is this a good or bad thing? I find comfort in the same drinks, sights and sounds offered by this American giant. However, others argue that the large chain distracts from local business.

If that is in fact the case, then I am distracting from local Hawaiian shops. Yes, you read correctly, I'm at Starbucks in Hawaii; Honolulu to be exact.

It's amazing that there is a large metropolitan city right on the shores of this beautiful island. It's a bit boggling but a fantastic place nonetheless. I have met heaps of amazing people starting from the moment that I set foot off the plane and onto Hawaiian soil.

My days have been spent meeting interesting folk, riding my bicycle (yes, I bought it along in a big box), sitting on the beach and working on the book. Speaking of the book, when I Googled 50 Dates in 50 Days, I discovered that someone did the same thing in the States. However, she dated a man in each state. Then I found out that someone globe trotted to find Mr. Right and wrote a book about it.

For a second, I panicked as I thought that maybe the stories are too similar to mine. Then, I quickly relaxed and realized that everyone's story is unique and so what if a few other women went on similar dating quests. That's three of us that I have read about so far. Three out of millions. It will be okay, the book is still unique.

What is also unique is 5 Seconds' experience that I am still following. I apologize for the delay in the update. For those of you who don't know, I am following a friend and date's quest to find true love. This is his last week-end of the journey that, in fact, ends tomorrow.

Last week, he said the following:

I ended up canceling my trip to Toronto because ultimately I am looking for someone special and after some thought that’s just way too far to start anything serious. There are fabulous women in town, and even if I don’t meet the girl I’m looking for out of this experience my odds are much better if I keep it local.

So, my next date since the last update was with Contagious. I have known this girl for a couple of years and she gets her nickname from her contagious smile and laugh. When she’s doing either it’s impossible not to follow suit. When we first met she was seeing someone, and when that didn’t work out I happened to be in a long term relationship so the timing was never right to see if there was anything worth pursuing in a dating frame.

She’s been following the blog since it started and wanted to change things up. We went for breakfast, chatted and overall, enjoyed each others company. We then went for a walk around a river out in the mountains and stopped to enjoy a great vantage point for quite some time before I needed to get home for another date. It was a lovely time and we made some plans to get together later the next week.

Next, I met Disaster. This date was the worst to date, not just on this adventure, but I’d say ever. I didn’t take a lot of time to get to know Disaster after she messaged me on a dating website as there isn’t much time left in the month. I guess you could say that I missed a few red flags. She turned out to be quite a good liar and I’m assuming she’s been running this destructive life-style for a while.

I arrived at her place as I was going to cook her dinner; that part of the date went off well. She was attractive, outgoing and fun. We talking for a while and she mentioned she was going to put on a movie. She made me a drink and we sat down.

We were close on the couch when I heard some keys at the front door and another guy came in. He looked over and when saw us on the couch, his demeanor shifted quickly. I could tell this was not going to be a good situation so I stood up and asked who he was. He was far from calm at this point and rightfully so. He asked who I was in a cursive manor and as I turned to point at Disaster, I mentioned I had just met her today and we were on a date. Just then, I took a rather decent shot to my face and I’m sporting quite the shiner now. I have never been on the other end of the situation but I was compassionate to what he must have be feeling so I didn’t want to escalate the situation at all. I put up my hands, palms towards him, and mentioned that I didn’t want a fight and that I had no idea she was involved with someone. He kind of took a step back and pointed at Disaster and said “We’re done this time!” and he left.

What an awkward first date - Needless to say I have not planned another meeting with Disaster.

Sky - I still can't believe this story about disaster. I find it unbelievable that anyone would invite someone over for a date when they have a boyfriend - especially a boyfriend who could show up at anytime. What is this world coming to?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Numbness

Numb: According to the Dictionary, numbness is referred to as the deprivation of the power to feel or move normally. Numbness can also be emotional unresponsiveness and indifference.

Our lucky bachelor is feeling numb. How could he not be? After so many dates and so many women, it would only be natural for emotions to shut down and to enter into a world where he can feel nothing. Is he trying to protect himself? Is he scared to hurt others? Or is he simply overwhelmed?

I know that after a dozen dates I felt the same way. I couldn't even tell you how disconnected I felt after going on 50. I have never been so emotionally unavailable and distraught as I was after going on 50 dates in 50 days so I know exactly how our bachelor feels. In fact, he said to me, "The oddest thing is that during the first week or so I was overwhelmed with conflicting thoughts and emotions but now it’s like it’s all shut off. I don’t feel anything. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as I can objectively look at the situation and hopefully find the woman that will be the best fit."

I'm glad that he is staying strong and continuing on with his dates in order to find true love. He had a couple of dates over the past few days and here is what he had to say about them:

Smartypants

The last time I saw this stunning young woman was when I had her help me dismantle a desk and move it into my place. I figured I needed to take her out and show her a good time to make up for having her work. I gave her the nickname Smartypants years ago when we first met. She has a real quick wit to her and isn’t afraid to speak her mind and always has a clever remark to make.

I took her to one of my favorite places to eat where they have the best Ahi Tuna Tacos. We ordered a drink and talked about some of the adventures we had been on in the past. One of our favorite memories was spending a weekend together skydiving and camping. The collective soul concert was a blast as well, and we met Ed Roland after the show in the casino. We have always gotten along perfectly and we always have a blast together.

Conversation is always easy with Smartypants as she brings an interesting perspective to things and it’s always a pleasure spending time with her. The confident manner in the way she carries herself and her stunning good looks always turn heads wherever we are. It was getting late so I took her home and we made plans to see each other on the last Friday of the month. As expected, it was a great night out with Smartypants.

_________________________________________________


Sparky

This passionate young woman made the plans and took me out for the night. She earned her nickname for her very energetic nature. When she is talking about something that she loves, it’s hard to not to get caught up in her enthusiasm. The plans were to meet at her friend’s house and since I arrived before Sparky, I introduced myself to her cycling buddy as she invited me in to meet everyone else.

The woman who owned the place asked how I knew Sparky and I told the tale of how we met and mentioned my current dating quest. Immediately, all of the women were interested in what I am doing this month and they began firing questions my way. It is great to see that women have a never-ending interest in dating stories.

Sparky arrived and she presented me with a care package which included dark chocolate, mini-shots, but most importantly a rock. She biked across Canada one summer and when she arrived on the East coast after an 8, 000 km bike ride, she collected 8 rocks from the coast. She gave me one and this is something I will always cherish.

We got deep into conversation, talking about relationships for a great deal of our conversation as well as life in general. She is the only person that understands what it’s like to date this many people in a short period of time and she always has great advice for me to learn from.

After a while we headed out to the bar where we found an empty booth to set up shop. It was then that I learned that the "man's duty" is to stand guard and watch the purses and coats while the women hit the dance floor.

We partied for the night and at last call, Sparky and I walked back to the car. I got in my car and we went our separate ways after a fabulous night out.

__________________________________________________________________________


In other news, I am not going to make it to Toronto this week end for my 3 dates over there. Nonetheless, I am excited for my next date with Sweets as I have a rather unique idea for a date that will hopefully show her a good time. It’s going to take sometime to prepare but I have some time off this week that will allow me the time to prepare and hopefully sweep her off her feet!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bubbles

A little bit about 5 Seconds: First off, what a guy. This man is truly honest, generous and down to earth. Trust me, I have met a lot of men and there aren't many out there like him. He is comfortable with who he is and he sticks to his values. I did already know this but after having the pleasure of spending this evening with him, I am further convinced that he is one of the best catches in Calgary!

And, as you know, he is on a bit of a dating mission. So, in his words, here is a recap of his date from last night:

This good looking young woman was a replacement for Bachelorette # 2. She had e-mailed me on a dating website where we had exchanged a couple of emails. She was aware of what I was doing this month and I asked her to partake in the adventure when Bachelorette # 2 couldn’t reschedule in this month. We went ahead and made plans to meet for a quick coffee since we had not met in person and coffee seems like a safe and easy way to begin getting to know someone.

I arrived and saw her sitting at a table reading a magazine. When she saw me, she smiled so I waved and bought a drink before joining her. We talked for a while but something just seemed off. The conversation was a bit awkward and I felt like I really had to work at it to keep it going. A few years ago, I studied body language when I was studying psychology and I noticed that she kept touching her neck and breaking eye contact which are generally signs of nervousness. I asked her what was wrong and she mentioned that she was a little intimidated by the whole situation. This is evidently fair and I have to say, I greatly respect all of the women who have taken part in this adventure as it takes a lot of courage.

Hoping to make Bubbles a little more comfortable I suggested that we go elsewhere as I stood up and put out my hand. She took it and we headed to my car. I didn’t have any plans at this point since I figured it would just be a coffee date; however, one of my favorite things to do when I’m bored is head to the music store and play expensive guitars I can’t afford. So off we went to a music store close by.

She smiled as we pulled up and she mentioned that she is a guitarist. I mentioned I am a bassist and after this she was super talkative which made me smile. It was easy to tell that music was her thing and that she was very comfortable in this area. At this point, she grabbed my hand and took me to the acoustic guitar area and picked up a particularly nice Fender. She played a rendition of Bubbles’ “Liquor and Whores” which was priceless. I was laughing so hard I could barely catch my breath.

We played for a while and I took her to a close by pub for a drink. We continued talking and by then, the conversation was a lot more fun. She was intelligent and humorous; she had me laughing on quite a few occasions. She was also gorgeous. However, I’m not sure what it was, but I just didn’t feel the attraction that I have for a couple of the other women that I have met so far. I openly told her how I felt but suggested that we play music together sometime as friends. She said she would really like that so it looks like I have a new jam buddy.

On another note, Hot Shot and I talked and I told her that I don’t feel that we have any potential. Sometimes everything can be right on paper; gorgeous, successful, confident... The issue for me is that her passion is her work; it’s all she thinks about. I definitely want an ambitious and motivated woman, but not to the point where it would be hard to have fun with her on the week-ends.

In addition, Mallory met someone and they are now dating exclusively which is fantastic! So I started with 10 women and I'm now down to 7. There have been some tough decisions so far as everyone I have met is special in their own way. It is tricky, however, because I only want one special girl so I know there are going to be more difficult decisions along the way.

So far, I’m interested in two of the women that I have met. I have always been very much a one woman sort of guy, even in dating scenarios, so this has all been quite overwhelming. After stressing for awhile trying to figure out who I would choose at this point, the only solution is to just take everything day by day and see what happens. If one of these women is the right girl for me, it will just happen naturally. I shouldn’t stress too much about the outcome yet since I’m not even half way through. I am going to focus on enjoying the experience since it’s certainly a once in a lifetime event.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sweets


The photo you see above is the photo that 5 Seconds worked on with Blue Eyes, one of his previous dates. He did thoroughly enjoy his date with her and creating this photo; however, this next date was so good that he saw the girl again the very next day. 5 Seconds' pursuit of love is really showing me that it is out there, it's just a matter of good timing and an open mind. Here he goes:

I arrived to pick this beauty up at her place and she was looking stunning. She handed me a box of cookies with a note written on it that read “(Insert My Name), Wishing you the greatest of adventures! May your every wish come true… Especially tonight! xo (Insert Her Name)” It was the most adorable thing anyone has done for me on a first date. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and thanked her for such a thoughtful gesture. In fact, I’m enjoying the last of the cookies as I write this and they are delicious!

We headed out to go skating and I was certainly excited since it has been years since I have played hockey or even been on a pair of skates. Sweets had also mentioned that it had been years for her so we joked about how we could feel awkward together. Conversation was easy with Sweets and I immediately felt comfortable with her; perhaps it was her adorable gesture with the cookies or perhaps a true connection.

We rented some skates and got geared up to see if we could both stay on our feet with two blades under them. Surprisingly we did well and neither of us fell. Within a couple of laps, we were deep in conversation and holding hands while we skated around the rink. We conversed about things that I would normally never talk about on a first date and I knew then and there that Sweets is a very unique woman.

We decided we’d go for a drink before calling it a night so we headed to a local pub near her place. As I continued to get to know her, it was clear that she is a very thoughtful woman and values her friends deeply. These are qualities that are important to me in a potential partner.

We cleared up our tab and I took her back to her place where she invited me up to watch some videos of my old band. I was happy that she took an interest in things I am most passionate about. We called it a night and made plans to get together the next day as we were both free and absolutely stoked on spending more time together.

I picked her up the next afternoon at about 3pm and we headed to Safeway to buy some groceries for dinner and then drove down to a lake in South Calgary for another art piece she was going to help me create. In this piece, the couple is embracing after a crash landing on an uninhabited planet and it will be titled “Always Hope”. She was a good sport and humored me as we headed to the lake. There was a life guard post conveniently nearby which I set the camera on for a good perspective shot of the scene and coupled with the intense sunshine on this beautiful October day, this shot turned out perfectly.

Pleased with the work, we headed back to make dinner. We watched a movie while I marinated our dinner and then got started on the cooking. When dinner was ready, she lit a couple of candles and we sat down to eat. I was impressed that she was creating some romance for us as I am usually the one who takes the lead in this area. It was a great meal and afterward, we had another drink and continued to get to know each other. I had an amazing week end and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to know someone as quickly as I have with Sweets. We have plans to get together next week and I look forward to getting to know her even better.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Hot Shot!

Hot Shot struck again with another fabulous date. On our last date, this successful beauty won a bet I made so the deal for this date was that I would pick up the tab. To make me live up to my bet, she decided that I would cook dinner for her best friend and best friend's boyfriend. To top it off, she even had a recipe that she wanted me to cook.

I arrived at her place with a bottle of red and white and was impressed to see she had all the ingredients organized on the counter of her beautiful, lavish kitchen. I was to prepare Jerk Chicken with sweet potatoes and asparagus. I got to work until the buzzer went and the other couple had arrived. Hot Shot's best friend, Smiley, and her boyfriend, Doc, had a lot of nice things to say about me as they mentioned that they had heard a lot about me. I was flattered!

The dinner preparations went off without a hitch as we all enjoyed each others company over wine and good conversation. Dinner also turned out great, and that recipe is one I will certainly have to cook again. We cleaned up before launching into a game of Scrabble. It was easy to tell that Hot Shot could litigate her way out of anything as I had barely heard of many of the words that she laid down on the board. In fact, she beat us so bad that I don't know if all of our scores combined could even beat her high score.

Smiley and Doc left shortly after the game and I offered to help Hot Shot with the dishes. Just as we got the sink filled up with soap,hot shot leaned in as if she was going to kiss me but at the last second, she put soap on my nose! What a tease! But I liked it and it was only natural to turn this situation into a full out soap suds war. We were laughing so hard that I could barely catch my breath. I am so pleased with another great date with Hot Shot!

As for the night prior to that, I was meant to have a date with Bachelorette # 2 but unfortunately she canceled as she was feeling really sick. I didn’t have enough time to reschedule anything so I had a night off and got to work on the piece Blue Eyes helped me with.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Blue Eyes and Some Changes


I thought it was funny when 5 Seconds nicknamed his most recent date Blue Eyes bachelorette #10), because one of my dates had that exact pseudonym. Contrarily to my date with Blue Eyes, 5 Seconds had his best day yet with this lovely lady who seems to have swept him off his feet. In his words, the date went like this:

Before my 30 day quest, I had had one date with Blue Eyes. I left this second date a mystery to Blue Eyes who has earned her nickname for having the most gorgeous, big, beautiful eyes I have seen.

I arrived to pick her up and my heart may have skipped a beat when I saw her come out the front door looking absolutely stunning. One of the first things I noticed when I first met her is how gorgeous she is. To top it off she's also really sweet, adorable and down-to-earth. She mentioned that she had been having a rough day so in hopes of brightening her day, I put my finger under her chin and kissed her. She smiled and mentioned that her day was now looking like it was going to get better.

We drove down to The Clay Ground, a place where you pick out an unfinished clay item and paint it. They then clear glaze the work and fire it in their Kiln to bring it to life. We talked for hours while we painted and when there was a lull in conversation it wasn’t awkward at all. One of my best friends once told me, “When you find someone with whom you can share a silence without it being awkward, you have found someone special.” I guess time will tell if this is true.

I then had an art idea that I was hoping Blue Eyes would help me complete. For this photo, a couple is standing under a tree on a foreign planet. They are deeply in love, and standing hand in hand looking at each other. They are in their favourite “spot” together. This particular planet will only get a couple of hours of direct sunlight daily so the plants need to store the sunlight in phosphorescent material, a form of photoluminescence that emits the light over-time so the plants can survive in the long periods of darkness. The scene will be lit by these phosphorescent plants and the large tree the couple is standing under. Behind the couple and the tree, will be a large waterfall. The refracting light from the photoluminescence plants and floating seeding will create a brilliant and colourful rainbow effect, while the crashing water below will create bellowing mist. The particular location I took Blue Eyes to was chosen because of it’s proximity to a river and a perpendicular stream running into the river. This is going to be a challenging piece to create but I hope to have a unique piece Blue Eyes could be a part of.

It was a bit of a stroll to get to the location, but we enjoyed the gorgeous fall day. We arrived on location and I pulled out the camera, took some test shots, adjusted my exposure and setup a remote timer. I rushed over to get in the shot, and took Blue Eyes hands as she looked up at me with her big beautiful eyes. It was impossible for me not to smile. Blue Eyes held her position perfectly and the auto focus worked like a charm, producing a great shot.

I packed up the camera gear, held out my hand and she took it as we walked back to my car. We headed to my place, where we enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine, a home cooked meal and then cuddled up to watch Lucky You. It was then getting late so I took Blue Eyes home.

We arrived at her house and kissed for a while before we called it a night. At the same time I said “Sweet Dreams” she said “Drive Safe” which shows just one of the cute similarities in our personality. Thinking about Blue Eyes on my drive home made me miss my turn off the highway. This 9 hour second date was fantastic and there wasn’t a moment I didn’t enjoy spending with Blue Eyes.
_________________________________________________________________

I continue to get asked countless times what will happen if I meet someone special right away? I might have already, but it’s too early to tell this quick in any normal dating scenario and this one. I don’t believe in love at first site, that’s impossible to me. Love is something that is found over time. You need to know the person’s strengths but more importantly their weaknesses and love and accept those as well before you can truly love someone. The only thing I can tell in the early stages is that I’m interested, and willing to see where things go. At this point Blue Eyes has certainly captured my attention. She texts me just to wish me a good day at work and see how my day is going; it’s these little things that count the most to me. Things like this make me smile ear to ear.

There have been a couple changes as Bachelorette # 9 has decided to take things a little more seriously with someone she was seeing and doesn’t want to jeopardize that potential so she put me in touch with her best friend. So meet the new Bachelorette # 9 - Going off a recommendation, I was interested in meeting this woman. She has a passion for life and art; I have seen her work and it’s quite impressive. She’s an outdoor education teacher who told me that she’ll buy me a yellow Ferrari when we meet. I enjoy her sarcastic sense of humour and certainly look forward to my new ride. Giallo Modena!

Also another Bachelorette pulled out, so I found someone else who was interested. Meet Bachelorette # 11 - She contacted me online and after reading her profile and getting to know her a bit, she sounds like an interesting woman. She’s the owner of a successful massage therapy company which she is very passionate about. She loved the dating experiment and has given me some great advice on how to approach everything as I was open with her on how confusing everything is so far for me. “…tune into their good points and bad to help you make that final decision. But the key is to have fun and it will all work out in the end! Always does.”

So it sounds like things may be rather overwhelming for 5 Seconds. That is inevitable as dating numerous people at once is confusing and quite the emotional roller-coaster. However, knowing this young man, he will stay strong and that will enable him to make the right choice.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Zombie Date

5 Seconds made it through the first week end of his dating adventure. He is having a great time and still looking forward to the dates to come. In his words, his second date with Bachelorette #1 (See older post about #1) went as follows:

This Bachelorette, who will be known as Mallory, arrived promptly at my place which was perfect as punctuality is a great quality. She brought with her a box of makeup and proceeded to transform me into a zombie.

You may be asking why she would do this? Well, each year hundreds of people dress up as Zombies in a flash mob mentality, gather at a location and shuffle down the street. It was quite amusing to see the looks on people’s faces that were not aware of the event. I can just imagine sitting at a sets of lights when suddenly hundreds of people dressed as Zombies shuffle across the street.

Before getting to the meeting point, we walked the streets all dressed up and certainly scared a few people. It reminded me of the movie Natural Born Killers with Micky and Mallory Knox where we knew something that everyone else didn’t. I know if I saw a couple walking down the street and wasn’t aware of the event I’d certainly think they were a bit strange, but it would be cute that they were doing it together.

After the event we headed back to my place and watched a couple of episodes of CSI before I began cooking us some dinner. We enjoyed our meal, drank some wine and had a lovely conversation. Mallory is certainly an interesting girl. We kissed goodnight, and that makes two great dates in a row. I’m just about to go meet Bachelorette #10 for a full day of fun activities I have planned. Will it be three great dates in a row?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Date 1 - Hot Shot


Our lucky bachelor had a great first date with Bachelorette #4 (read previous blogs for a description of her). It sounds like a brilliant evening to me. In fact, I would be surprised if this doesn't make you a little jealous. So, without further adieu, in his words, this is how it all went:

To begin, I must say that this date didn’t go as planned and my date's cleverness earned her the nickname Hot Shot. The original plan to pick her up and then head out for dinner changed over the course of the evening but that definitely spiced up the night.

I arrived and she buzzed me up to one of nicest condos I have ever seen. It was obvious that Hot Shot was very well off as a Lawyer; her shoe collection at the front door was likely worth more than everything I owned. I’m not rich myself but I’m used to making more money than people I have dated in the past, not that it matters but it was different for me.

She was running a bit behind so she invited me in and showed me to her bar where I was to pour myself a drink. I looked around to see that the space was immaculate and absolutely everything was in its place. I could tell she was very organized and structured as a woman. I also drew the conclusion that she is probably very used to getting her way, especially with men. However, what I enjoyed the most was her appreciation for art. As that is my passion in life, it would be a deal breaker if my date was not at all interested in art.

We talked for a bit while I finished my drink, and she mentioned where we were going for dinner. She then quickly mentioned that she was paying for it, so I shouldn’t worry. I got the impression that she placed a lot of value on money, and assumed this would impress me. Money is important, sure, but not when it comes to finding someone special. Feeling saucy, I bet her that we could go out and I could show her a good time while only spending a total of $20. The bet was for who would pay for the next date and she took me up on the offer.

Now, in this moment I had no plan and was actually having trouble thinking of where we could enjoy a meal for under $20. However, I enjoy challenges so it was on. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I went from having a gorgeous woman offering to pay for dinner to trying to figure out how the hell I was going to pull this off...

My racing mind was diverted as we drove past piles of leaves on people's lawns. When I was a kid, I loved making huge leaf piles and jumping in them. Now, being older and having more powerful toys, driving through a giant leaf pile seemed like a blast as well. I pulled over, turned off the car and hopped out. I saw a rake, so I started collecting leaves. Hot shot got out of the car and asked what I was doing. I explained what I wanted to do and she excitedly joined me in making a massive pile of leaves on the road. We took turns directing traffic around our pile, yelling "CAR" if anyone else drove by. We hopped back in the car, bucked up and reversed down the road to get a good run at it. We blazed through the leaves, exploding into laughter while we did.

I then had to get my thinking cap on and come up with an idea for dinner. So I mentioned I knew this great little Italian place and we’d go there for food. Dinner cost $14.83 to be exact. With about $5 left, I figured we needed some munchies, so we headed to 7-11 where I gave Hot Shot $5.17 and told her to spend wisely. She did well and we were left with only a few nickels and dimes.

Now stocked with chips and a drink I drove us to a parking lot with a great view of downtown. I could sense her hesitation as she asked what we were doing. She was probably thinking that I was about to put moves on her which wasn’t the case. I told her that it was dinner and movie, a typical first date…

I pulled out my laptop, grabbed a blanket and we moved in the back seat to watch Date Night. We had a great chat after the movie before I drove her home. We said goodnight, she opened the car door partly but then turned back, leaned in and kissed me. She then pulled away ever so slightly, and then mentioned that I had lost the bet..."You forgot to factor in the price of gasoline." She smiled ear to ear, touched my lip with her finger and got out of the car. I guess Hot Shot wins this time!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

It Begins


It is the last day of September but more importantly, it's the last day before 5 Seconds begins the adventure of a lifetime. His quest to date 10 women for up to 3 dates in a matter of 30 short days begins tomorrow.

How is he feeling? What is the thinking? Is he nervous? Perhaps he's excited? I think that he is probably more overwhelmed than anything else but he will keep me updated about his feelings and the dates over the course of this journey.

I have provided details about bachelorettes 1-8 and, in his words, here are the last two lucky ladies:

Bachelorette #9: We go way back to our teenage years as she is the sister of my best friend from high school. This woman is very good looking and has a beautiful body to complete the picture. We did have a summer fling back in high school but that never amounted to anything serious. I remember having the awkward conversation with her brother about us being involved and then showing up at their house to take her out when he was home. From our fling we became good friends but she later moved to Toronto. We had completely lost touch and only reconnected thanks to social networking sites. It has been years since we have seen each other and I'm excited to catch up with her.

Bachelorette # 10 - We have been on one date and she thought that this was an interesting idea and therefore decided to partake in the adventure. I could see a man getting lost in her big beautiful eyes and her warm inviting smile. She seems to have a passion for life, a strong drive to succeed and a great sense of humour. I am looking forward to getting to know her better.

So that's it. Ten ladies have been lined up for 5 Seconds to date over the next 30 days. Will have fall in love? Will he find "the one?" Only time will tell!

Monday, September 27, 2010

More Bachelorettes and Counting

Good evening. For those of you who don't know, a young bachelor known as 5 Seconds on this blog, is on a mission. He is going to date 10 girls for a maximum of 3 dates in 30 days in the interest of finding true love, or "the one."

The first five bachelorettes have already been described and the next three have been selected. In this words, 5 Seconds describes them as follows:

Bachelorette #6: We met years ago at a show that we were both performing in. We had planned to go on a first date around that time, but it was -40 and at the time I didn't have a car...so I canceled the date. Since then, we did not manage to go on a date but rather, we ended up having a blast together as friends. There is nothing about her that I don't like and to top it off, she's is absolutely gorgeous. I will just have to show her an amazing time on our date to make up for the fact that I canceled on her two years back.

Bachelorette # 7 – We met online a month or so ago. She currently lives in Brazil and is moving to Calgary in early October. We had planned on getting together for a date when she arrived in Calgary, but that was before the 10 women in 30 days adventure. However, she found the premise interesting and we will meet when she gets settled in town. She has a very positive outlook on life and from her modeling portfolio, it is easy to tell she turns heads on the beach.

Bachelorette # 8 – We met well over a decade ago and then dated as teenagers. We fell madly in love; however, we had a clean break-up, moved on and didn't see each other for years. I’ll never forget the day I was walking through the train station and she walked back into my life. She was heading to the train while I was walking away from it. Just like those cliche moments that you see in movies, we went right past each other before stopping in our tracks. She then became my best friend in the world as she has taught me so much about myself, love, life and everything in between. She is absolutely breath-taking, intelligent, ambitious and quick witted; she knows all of my strengths and faults and loves me for the man I am.

Wow, I think this is going to be quite the adventure for 5 Seconds. In fact, if I had to make a prediction, he may very well end up in love with more than one woman and have to chose. In fact, that is some food for thought: Is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

He's Really Doing It!


As I mentioned in the last post, 5 Seconds is up for a life altering challenge. That's right, he going to date 10 women in 30 days with a maximum of 3 dates per lucky lady. So, essentially, he is likely to be going on 30 dates in 30 days. Is he nervous? Is he up for the challenge? Does he know what he's getting himself into? In life, do we ever know what we are getting ourselves into?

Well, he certainly did not expect to get the positive response that he has. He is starting October first and he has received attention from so many ladies. But here is the catch - he is looking for true love which some may refer to as "the one." This is more than just a dating experiment but a quest for that special connection and lifelong partner. Is it possible? I certainly hope so.

The best part of this for us ladies is that he is going to give us true insight from a man looking for "the one." Yes, these men are out there. In fact, I have met quite a few of them and as a result, it bothers me when women say that men are incapable of such a commitment. The problem is that finding that right connection is the tricky part. Two perfectly normal (whatever normal is) people could meet and both be looking for a commitment but simply not click or some part of the timing could be off. It's true, it happens all the time and unfortunately, I am very familiar with this scenario.

Nonetheless, as I mentioned, this lucky bachelor has had attention from numerous women and in his words, he has told me about the following five eligible bachelorettes:

Bachelorette #1 - She is a girl who added me as a favourite on an online dating website. Her interesting profile and dedication to singing in an upcoming musical prompted me to message her. We have met once and after seeing a link on my Facebook profile about the upcoming quest for love, she expressed interest in being part of my adventure. I will have my first date with her on October 2nd where, as per her invitation, she will be doing my makeup and helping me with my costume for Calgary's annual Zombie Walk.

Bachelorette #2 - I contacted her out of the blue on a dating site. I liked her articulate style of writing and it seemed that she knew what she wanted out of life and from a partner. We have not yet met in person; however, her pictures show an incredibly cute smile reflective of someone sweet and down to earth. She has invited me to an after party for Alberta Fashion Week on Oct 1st.

Bachelorette #3 - This quick witted, fiery red head can not only run intellectual circles around almost anyone she meets, but she's also very sexy to boot. She's compassionate, funny and adventurous. We have known each other for years, but have never dated due to poor timing. In the past, we have gone sky-diving and met rock stars - there is never a dull moment when we are together.

Bachelorette #4 - Of all places to meet, I met this lady at the post office. This lawyer was wearing a tight fitting suit; an outfit that I find to be particularly sexy on a woman. I wanted to talk to her but I couldn't think of a way to strike up a conversation. So, the first thing that came to mind was to throw my pen at her. She glanced up and the look on her face expressed, "Are you effing serious?" I then joked about being so clumsy that I usually wear a helmet when I'm out in public. She cracked a smile, we chatted and then exchanged numbers. We'll be getting together in the first week of October.

Bachelorette #5 - We have never met in person, but my first love, with whom I still share a special friendship, put us in touch. Apparently, we have just about everything in common including goals in life. But, just like anything, this will all boil down to chemistry.

So there you have it, the first five eligible ladies. I have to say that I'm impressed that these women are so open and willing to participate in this situation. To me, this shows strength, courage and great character. I hope that you are as eager as I am to see how this all unfolds.

Friday, September 17, 2010

A Man's Perspective


Wow, it's been a while since I have written on here. I have certainly thought about various things to write about but something wasn't right. I guess, simply put, I had a serious case of writer's block. Throw heartbreak into the mix and voila, writing got brushed aside. But, fear not, the blog is back and there are a few important things on the go.

First off, I know that a lot of people are wondering what happened to all of the guys. Did I keep in touch with them? Are we still friends?

Evidently, I can't spend my life keeping in touch with the whole world, but I am still friends with a number of them. Trouble was actually a friend from before and though he was nothing but troublesome during the 50 in 50, we still stay in touch and catch up once in a while. Laser Beam and I also keep each other in the loop about what's going on in each others lives. I'm also still friends with Blue Eyes and Butterflies...And then there's Easy. We clicked during the 50 in 50 and have remained good friends ever since.

A few others e-mail and text message me out of the blue but I haven't seen anyone else with the exception of 5 Seconds. If you followed the blog, you would remember him as the date who took me to a +15 for a photo op to capture what a couple would do if it were the end of the world. He used his artistic talents to create the above photo.

Now, this young man is not only talented, generous and kind but he is also very handsome. So ladies, here you have Calgary's next bachelor. He is going to meet 10 women in 30 days, go on a maximum of 3 dates with each one of them and provide me with the stories and perspectives from these experiences to write about on this blog. Oh, and I can't forget to mention, he's looking for true love.

I will write about what went wrong, what was right and everything else in between; all coming straight from the male's perspective. I'll find out what he was thinking, how he reacted and what it is about a woman that makes a man tick.

He is starting this adventure on October 1st and has about half of the dates lined up. So heads up ladies: if you would like to go on a date with this beautiful, smart and witty young man, feel free to e-mail him at 10womenin30days@spatart.com. Otherwise, sit back, relax and enjoy the upcoming insight that you will find here at 50datesin50days.com.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Chase; Is It Really Thrilling?


You know, it's been two and a half months since 50 Dates in 50 Days ended but I'm still amazed by everything that happened in that 50 day time frame. I'm always telling friends that it was life altering but I really have a hard time explaining that bold statement.

How did it change my life? What happened that was so shocking?

Well...what didn't happen? That's probably a better question.

Either way, after all the dating, I'll never understand the chase. I will never get why there is a three day rule for calling. In fact, I will never comprehend why there are rules at all. Most importantly, it's a mystery to me why women have to be the ones being chased. Why can't we pick up the phone when we want to talk to a guy?

Yes, people say that it's an even playing ground but let's face reality, guys are the pursuers. They like to go after a woman and if we make ourselves too available they back off and find someone else. At what point does this end? At what point can a lady feel comfortable that calling or messaging a guy is not going to scare him off?

Now that I'm taking off on holidays for a while, I'll have time to really reflect on this mystery as well as all of the life altering 50 days and take some quality time to work on writing my book, 50 Dates in 50 Days - uncut. I'm spending a while out in the boons of Ontario with no internet, phone reception or connection to the outer world so it will be a good time to write and hopefully restore my faith in dating.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Appreciation


Why is it that it's so easy to take things for granted? Have you ever heard the expression, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?"

This goes for anything in life; work, family, friends and of course, relationships. Way back when I was in a serious long term relationship, my boyfriend used to do the nicest things. He cooked me great dinners, drove me all over the place and treated me like a princess.

No part of me regrets the ending of that relationship; however, I look back and feel that I didn't always appreciate the things he did. I didn't know any different so, yes, I took his kind actions for granted.

After dating a whole pile of men, I know that it's hard to find someone who pays attention to the finer details and who genuinely cares about other people. Maybe some guys are simply clueless but many of them are completely wrapped up with themselves. So, when I do come across a date or a friend who isn't like that, I really make a point to be sure that I do not take it for granted.

This brings me to wonder why it's so easy to get angry and focus on the negative things in life. Why don't we tell people more often how much we appreciate them? How hard is it to say thank you, I love you, you are fantastic, you mean so much to me? Really, those words aren't spoken nearly enough. Instead, I always hear people complaining about something negative or about something someone didn't do. Why not focus on what someone did do and appreciate that?

It isn't to say that we can always be positive but perhaps making an effort to, once a day, tell someone who matters just that. I have recently been trying to do this and trust me, everyone appreciates it.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The 3 Month Mark


Have you ever noticed that many relationships end after three months? I don't know what it is with the three month mark but something shifts at that time. Maybe someone gets scared of commitment? Perhaps someone drops the L-bomb too soon? Or is it that people's true colours finally start to shine through?

I don't have the answer to these questions but I do know for certain that something changes at the three month point. If I look back, I have had many situations that lasted just three months. It was almost like clockwork. Things started getting tense, we both wanted different things and the little spark that once was fizzled.

So would it not make more sense to just get to know someone for three months before starting to date? Perhaps developing a solid friendship first is the way to go?

I decided to write about this topic because it has come up in conversation numerous times over the past couple of days. One person I was talking to said that after three months, he found that girls' faults and craziness started to show and that's what freaks him out about the three month mark. Another friend of mine said that if a relationship is to be successful, the couple should wait three months before becoming intimate.

As for myself, my past three month relationships ended because I found that at this point, the honeymoon stage was over and I had gotten to know the person a lot better and had learned that there were too many negative qualities that would get in the way of a healthy relationship.

Either way, regardless of the situation, something happens at the three month mark. I wish I had answers to this mysterious time line but I will never know exactly how to describe this phenomenon. I can, however, say for certain that I, just like many others, am aware and weary of this three month turning point.

Friday, July 30, 2010

What's With Male PMS?

One of my closest friends once told me that every three months or so he goes through a week of funky moods that I decided should be referred to as Male PMS (MPMS for short). Whenever he has MPMS, I know it. He is irritable, unfriendly and over all, in a crappy mood. To top it off, it doesn't go away for at least 5-7 days!

Yes, women obviously get moody as well, but our moods switch on and off as fast as a light switch. As for me, if I get annoyed about something, the frustration lasts about 30 seconds instead of a whole day or an entire week. I guess everyone is different.

Either way, I was just chatting with a close girlfriend of mine who was telling me about the guy she is seeing and how he gets moody about life, traffic and his job on a regular basis. His MPMS sends her right into a bad mood and has the potential to ruin the time they spend together.

While we were chatting, we decided that male moods, in general, cause men to be mean and take their anger out on other people instead of the actual problem. You see, girls will go on and on with their girlfriends about what's going on, about their feelings and frustrations in life. They sort things out together and talk about the same feelings over and over again, all the time.

I don't know about you, but very few of my guy friends talk to each other about feelings and emotions. So, as far as I'm concerned, they are like high pressured vats of confused feelings that are ready to explode. Suddenly some small thing such as traffic or back pain may cause them to be in a multi-day bad mood or have a huge freak out when the root of the problem could be something else. And even if there is no root of the problem and it's just as simple as traffic or back pain, is it really necessary to get all up in arms?

Now, I'm not saying all men are like this but I do feel that all men experience a certain degree of MPMS whether they are willing to admit it or not. I am also not saying that women don't get moody as well, because clearly we do. I guess I'm just trying to figure out why people get moody and wondering if there is anything that people can do to acknowledge and control their moods. I'm really not sure if that is possible so in the meantime could someone please create Midol for men?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

X

I am continuously being asked, "How was the 50 in 50? What did you learn?"

I am still having a hard time answering those questions. It's not that the experience wasn't life altering or that I didn't learn anything, it's simply that it's impossible to sum up in a short, succinct answer.

I usually end up telling people a funny story or two that gets them laughing and asking a bunch of questions about my dates. That's always good for entertainment but as for something I learned, there are were so many lessons that it's hard to know where to begin.

However, when I was out for lunch the other day, one learning that came to me was the fact that men love to talk about their exes. Looking back on the 50 days, I am hard pressed to think of too many people who didn't tell me about an ex or two.

I think that because most people know they were one of my 50 dates, the topic of dating inevitably came up. One thing led to the next and before I knew it, I was listening to a full blown story about my date's ex. I heard about cheating, lying, love, sex and everything else you could possibly imagine.

Why do women get angry when guys want a boys night out? Why do women want to control a guy's schedule? Why do women get jealous if their boyfriend has a female friend?

These are just some of the many common complaints I heard from my dates about their exes. Nonetheless, I think a lot of guys are really hung up on their exes or simply hung up on things their exes did. For example, someone who was cheated on has trust issues. If someone's ex didn't listen, then clearly no other girl is going to listen. If a guy's ex was irresponsible, then evidently every other woman must be irresponsible. Yes, these are also things I heard from my dates.

I'm sure women can be hung up on exes as well but I obviously did not spend time on dates with women to see what they had to say about exes.

But should people talk about their exes? I'm really open to it, but apparently it bothers a lot of people. I guess there is probably some rule about talking about exes but I think, at the end of the day, it just boils down to comfort level and the two individuals who are out on a date.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Honestly

We are being lied to every day. Politicians lie to us. Car dealers lie to us. Food manufacturers lie to us. The health care system lies to us. We walk around in this world full of distrust and fiction.

Then, what's worse is when someone close to us lies. Has that ever happened to you? It has certainly happened to me more than once. You know, that awful feeling when a close friend or family member betrays your trust? Doesn't that just make you feel sick to your stomach?

Well, what I find more nauseating than that is when I am not true to myself. That's right, when I'm not honest with my true thoughts, feelings and desires. It definitely stinks when someone lies to me but the worst lie of all is one to myself.

It can be so easy to convince myself that I really want something or really want to be somewhere when, in fact, I don't. I make excuses for others' behaviour or even my own. I don't tell the truth because I don't want to face it or I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I listen to someone else when I really don't believe what they are saying.

This could cause serious problems in so many situations in life but particularly when it comes time for a relationship. I have seen so many people end up in relationships that they aren't sure about or didn't want to be a part of in the first place. I have also heard so many friends tell me that they knew all along it wouldn't last but they stuck with it for months or even years. I have heard others say they ignored red flags and moved forward anyway. Why? What's the point?

I guess it's easier that way, right? Well, lying about true feelings may be easier in the moment but can only cause grief in the long run. And, the last thing we need in life is any more grief. So moving forward, since I don't want to be lied to, I'm going to stop being a coward and be as candid and honest as possible by being true to myself. I challenge you to do the same.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Brain, Heart and Gut

I have written a lot recently about choices and decisions. As I have previously mentioned, we have so many choices these days that it becomes quite tricky to make a decision. I have been working on making decisions and sticking with them but the trouble is, how does one make a decision in the first place?

I was having this conversation with a colleague today because we were discussing how difficult it can be to make significant life decisions. He then said that he uses his brain, heart and gut feeling, which I like to refer to as instinct, when making a decision.

I like this trio. It makes sense.

Now, the problem is that if you don't have the gut feeling, how can you make a decision? Can one rely solely on the mind and/or the heart to come to a conclusion?

I really feel that the gut feeling is, nine times out of ten, the way to go. As humans, we have very strong instincts that at times we ignore or simply do not know how to listen to.

Evidently this applies to everything in life but in particular to relationships. If one is making a decision as to whether or not they want to be with someone or break up with someone or anything in between, it's the instinct that will lead the way. I feel that the heart will create feelings, the brain will assess the situation and then all of that is fed into the "gut feeling." You know the feeling. That sensation at the pit of your stomach that lets you know when something feels right or wrong. Don't ignore it, simply listen to it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

The End of the World


Before I dive into my thoughts on the daunting topic of commitment, I'd like to apologize for not posting this photo earlier. I thought I had put it up but I had a request the other day to see it so I guess I must have forgotten. This is a photo from my first date with 5 Seconds when he brought us to a +15 to act out the end of the world.

Good thing it wasn't actually the end of my existence; but, to me, commitment feels like the end of the world. A few weeks ago I wrote an entry about choices and how nowadays there are so many. I always hear people from older generations say, "You are so lucky. When I was your age I didn't have half the choices and opportunities that you have."

Am I really lucky? Is it really a good thing that there are so many things to chose from? Because really, all of these choices are confusing and making it tricky to make a decision in life.

This obviously doesn't only apply to committing to a relationship but committing to anything as simple as Friday night plans. Since graduating from university I have been lucky to have so many opportunities but the plethora of options has transformed me into an anti-committal human being. And that, that is scary.

I realized the other day that people who flit around and don't do much don't really succeed because they never chose something and stick with it until the end. Something better may come up and one can just flit over to that. This happens in relationships as well where one partner may meet someone else and just skip over to that person. Isn't that terrible?

I do not want to be like this so I am actively going to try to change my ways by committing to more things and not looking back. This doesn't mean I'm going to jump into a relationship, change my career and move into a new house overnight but I have to stop flaking around and actually decide something and stick to it. If you are like me, you have a million ideas floating around in your head of things you'd like to do but you are nervous or scared to dive in. However, I have learned that by putting yourself into a challenging situation, you either float or drown. So far, I have stayed above water so it's time that I challenge myself, stop flaking around, and really understand that commitment is absolutely not the end of the world.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Is This Okay?

Me (to a friend): Hey, do you want to do dinner Thursday night?

Friend: Well, I’m not sure, I’ll have to see.

Me: Oh, what do you have going on?

Friend: I just have to check with _______ (input significant other’s name).

Me: What do you guys have planned?

Friend: Nothing, but I just have to check to make sure that it’s alright to do dinner.

Me: Oh, right.


This type of conversation happens way too often and to this day, I will never understand it. Why do people feel compelled to schedule their entire existence around their significant other’s life?

It is understandable, for example, if Thursday night is “date night” and it is the same every week so if the plan has to change, it’s good to run it by the other person. However, on a given night when nothing else has been scheduled, why must people still check with their boy/girlfriend before making a plan?

It would also be different if kids were in the picture because I understand that one can’t just take off for an evening, leaving the other to hold down the fort. But if it’s just two people who may or may not be living together, should each person not be able to make their own decisions regarding their social schedule?

As the single person, it becomes a bit irritating when people always have to check with someone before committing to do something. However, what’s worse is when people only call me to hang out when their significant other is working or has already made plans. It is not uncommon for a good friend to call me and say: “My boyfriend is working tonight, do you want to hang out?”

So what, the only time we can spend time together is when he is working?

Relationships look like they can be great and a ton of fun. But something about the concept of checking in with someone before making a plan causes my stomach to turn. Hopefully, if I land myself in a relationship, this type of behaviour does not become the norm and I am able to maintain control of my social agenda.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Changing


Think about how hard it is to change something about yourself. If you're like me, that does not happen easily. There is really nothing wrong with that but if it's so hard to change yourself, why do some people think that they can change someone else?

People don't change. At least, it does not happen very often and usually if someone does change, it's only a temporary fix. Old behaviours and habits tend to resurface and one simply cannot alter their values overnight. That would be like asking a dog to become a cat; it just doesn't happen.

The other day, a few of my male friends were talking to me about some of the women who have dated them and got into the relationship because to these women, it was like a project. They wanted to have a boyfriend who they could work on and mold to be exactly what they want.

I thought that that was ludicrous. It just doesn't make sense to me! Men are not silly putty to be molded into the perfect, dreamy man. I think that if that's what some women are doing, they really have to re-think their tactics and the men they are choosing.

People can stop biting their nails or start putting their socks in the hamper but big changes can't happen via nagging. If someone wants to make a significant change it has to come from within and not because their significant other wants them to be a certain way.

My Dad once said to me, "If someone does something that bothers you once, it could just be a slip. However, after two or three times, it's a pattern and it won't change. So either you accept it or you move on."

Being an engineer, my Dad does see things in black and white but nonetheless, he made a valid point. He told me this a few years ago when I was dating a guy who was regularly making commitments and then failing to follow through. It was driving me crazy and even after addressing my concern with him, he continue to make promises that he wouldn't keep.

So I listened to my Dad's words of wisdom and broke up with the guy. He wasn't going to change and I certainly wasn't going to change him. People are the way they are and it's important to like someone for who and how they are and never try to alter their ways because I think that that will only lead to pain and frustration and life is too short for that.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Insecurities


Wow, it has been a while since I’ve written. My vacation pulled me away from this cyber abyss and into a glorious world of endless mountain biking, hanging out on the beach and chilling with good friends. It was a fantastic week but today it was back to reality. Back to work, back to the grind, back to the rat race.

There was so much excitement over the past week but one thing that I want to talk about is insecurities. We all have them, we all experience others’, but we don’t all recognize them.

Insecurities can cause people to act out of line, to lash out at others and overall, to feel badly about themselves. This topic just came to mind because when I was in Vancouver last week-end, I saw a couple fight in a way that I had never before seen.

I was at a party at someone’s condo and towards the end of the night, we could all hear screaming and loud banging coming from the bathroom. At first, I thought the two of them were in there having a good time but it didn’t take long for me to realize that the banging was not from pleasure and the screams were not orgasmic.

I could hear the girl screaming at her boyfriend about how she feels that he doesn’t prioritize her. The whole thing sounded ridiculous as he tried to apologize and tell her that he cares about her. I tried to mind my own business and not listen to the commotion but it was rather distracting since the bathroom was right next to the kitchen that I was standing in.

Finally, a friend of the couple had to intervene and walk the girl who was still on a rampage downstairs to get into a cab. The guy crawled out of the bathroom with his tail between his legs, looking as though he was going to burst into tears. He apologized endlessly as he showed us the huge bruise on his arm from where she had aggressively bitten him.

I couldn’t believe it! Not only had she dug her teeth into his flesh but she had also ripped off the toilet seat and lid from the toilet and spilled stuff everywhere. Was this fight based on anything reasonable? Absolutely not. Is behaviour like this ever acceptable? No way. Is this chick completely insecure? That, to me, is obvious.

It’s too bad that so many people get lost in their insecurities and as a result their own issues ruin things for other people and usually it’s loved ones who feel the pain. This fight was obviously an extreme situation but I have seen so many arguments that are based on something so silly and get blown way out of line because of someone’s insecurity. I guess we’re all going to be insecure in one way or another but it would be great if we could recognize our own insecurities and try to work on them so they don’t ruin many great things that life has to offer.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Alone Time


How could I resist a stop for coffee and internet? Impossible! It has been an epic few days full of biking, beaching and relaxing. I'm trying to get organized and figure out what I'm going to do next in life but there are just too many choices. Some people, myself included, may refer to this as a quarter life crisis. But how long can it last? This feeling of confusion and uncertainty has to go away at some point, right?

Well, I sure hope so because I can't just jump into my van and take off with my bikes whenever I feel that I need to sort things out. But, for now, it's brilliant.

I spent the first two days of my holidays mountain biking with friends. Since Monday I've been on my own road biking and relaxing on the beach. It's been a good opportunity to really sit down and think about the 50 Dates in 50 Days and how it affected me and what I've learned. I'm writing all of that in the book!

It's also been interesting to be totally alone for a few days. Last night, I parked my van on the side of a vineyard overlooking the city (Kelowna) and slept in the back of my van. It was brilliant; million dollar views for free.

I woke up and headed out for an epic road bike ride before stopping for this delicious coffee. The beach is waiting for me but I'd like to say that I highly recommend quality alone time like this. In our fast paced, rat race lives, it's sometimes difficult to escape, relax and evaluate what's going on.

I find that a lot of people in relationships rarely spend alone time because when they aren't at work or with friends, they are with their significant other. It's very easy to get into a comfortable situation and start to depend on another person. I have to say that there were moments where a co-pilot would have been nice on this trip; for example, to put sunscreen on my back or to read a map so I don't drive off the road while trying to drive and navigate simultaneously or especially for cuddling in the back of the van but really, it's been great. I'm glad I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and took off on this mini-adventure. If you ever get a chance, I highly recommend it!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

A Well Needed Holiday.


Why is it that we want what we can't have? Why is the grass always greener on the other side? I don't know if I will ever understand this phenomenon but I have to say, it's true.

My friend said today, "In any situation, when you start to pull away, the other person wants you more." That comment got me thinking. When someone is really into me, it can be too easy. It can take away the thrill of the chase and for whatever silly reason, the chase is fun. Who doesn't like a little challenge?

When someone is kind of showing signs of interest and then not and then back on, somewhat like flipping a steak, I get all up in arms and want them more. It's so stupid and if I was smart in this department, I would just know when to walk away. However, that is simply easier said than done.

But is it really worth investing energy into something that you can't have? Or someone that just doesn't want you back? It sounds crazy but it's human nature; at least, for me it is.

This takes me back to the topic of hard to get. I guess hard to get must work. Really, if I always want what I can't have, I answered my own question. I shouldn't be so eager and available.

So on that note, I'm not going to be available for a while because I'm off on a week long solo bike trip to various destinations in BC. I can't wait to rip around on the bike, sit on a beach, work on writing the book, sip martinis and hopefully, relax.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Friend Zone


Is the friend zone the end zone? Once you have a good friendship with a member of the opposite sex, does that mean that the potential for romance is down the tubes?

I was having this conversation with a buddy last week and we didn't come to much of a conclusion. I don't think there are rules about this phenomenon but once a strong friendship is developed, it's definitely hard to make a change.

You see, I've been in a few situations where I've found myself attracted to a good friend but totally unable to do or say anything about it for fear of ruining the friendship. There is also that horrible, unbearable feeling known as rejection that gets in the way of the truth.

What's even worse is when you meet someone who you really like and the feelings are mutual. But then you end up spending so much time together that you move into this infamous friend zone and it becomes awkward to think of having things any other way even though there was such a potential for this at the start.

I guess the fear is that no one wants to step out of the comfort of the friendship for fear of ruining the situation. But here is my question, can you really have a true friendship if someone has hidden feelings? I feel that this is not possible because deep down inside these feelings could be tearing one person apart and driving them crazy.

However, my buddy with whom I was having this conversation disagrees. He thinks that it is absolutely essential for any healthy relationship to be based on a good friendship. Therefore, according to him, regardless of whether or not one person has feelings, the friendship can be true.

I see his point; however, the friendship can only go on with hidden feelings for so long. I feel strongly about this because I have been in a situation a few years ago where I had feelings for a close friend but never said anything for fear of ruining the friendship and creating social discomfort amongst our group of friends. In the end, my feelings left me unfulfilled and eventually the friendship disintegrated.

Either way, the friend zone is a tricky place. It's scary to profess feelings to a friend but is it worth it to keep them a secret? But overall, the big question is, how do you avoid being stuck in the friend zone?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Ah, The Relationships.


Have you ever been deep in the woods and completely swarmed by bugs? You know, that annoying feeling where they are buzzing all over and no matter how much you swat them, they never go away?

Well, I feel that same way about relationships. Those little love bugs are everywhere and won't go away. They are kissing in the streets, holding hands at Starbucks, skipping around in the parking lot and overall, making me want to vomit in my mouth on a daily basis.

Am I jealous? Maybe. Am I lonely? Perhaps. But most of all, it's so irritating when these people in relationships make you feel like some kind of outcast because you don't have a significant other.

This has happened on so many occasions I don't even know where to begin. So what if I don't want to bring a date? Who cares if I'm the third, fifth or seventh wheel?
Yes, it can be trying at times but it's only worse when all the couples say things like, "Oh you will find someone soon," or, "It's alright to be single." How do they know?

I guess I went on this rant because I'm heading out of town this week end and I received an e-mail that read, "All of the couples get a bedroom and everyone else can take the couches and floor." So, are singles second class citizens? We don't deserve a bed or a room? Maybe I'm just being emotional and sensitive but I think it should all be fair game.

However, I guess that's not up to me to decide. Either way, even if I'm stuck on the hard, cold floor, I still think being single is pretty darn fantastic.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Hard to Get


For some reason, my Mum always told me that I should play hard to get. Somehow, I could never master this mysterious art. I always thought that it was because these games were silly but it could also be because I have the same amount of patience as a one-year-old.

Either way, how on earth do you play hard to get? How does it work? Is this the only way to really get someone to like you? By ignoring phone calls and abiding by three day rules? Ugg, how exhausting.

I thought of this topic because I stumbled upon an article about someone's top ten dating tips. The tenth tip outlined the importance of being mysterious and encouraged the thrill of the chase. Apparently the longer a person is made to chase, the more likely love is to blossom. Really, am I supposed to believe this?

Though I am somehow skeptical, maybe this article and my mother (who has not been in the dating scene for over 35 years) are right. Perhaps calling people back right away or wanting to hang out with someone I like is all backwards. I must have this all wrong.

But I don't want to simply hibernate away in a cave to play hard to get. Are there rules to this game that supposedly encourages true love to blossom? Do many people out there really actively play hard to get?

Friday, June 11, 2010

What is the Etiquette?


I'm just sitting with a good friend who thinks that it's okay to disappear after a few dates and not tell the other person what happened or why.

We are having a bit of a disagreement because I think that it's nice when someone tells the other person what's going on instead of simply leaving phone calls and text messages unanswered.

Evidently, it also depends how many times you saw each other and what you did with your time together, but I think there is a certain level of respect that both parties deserve when ending a dating scenario. I guess it might be okay if both people are uninterested and neither one is calling the other but that seems to be a rare occurrence.

My friend and I started discussing this topic because after five or six rather extensive dates with a guy, he just vanished. He was pursuing me like crazy and then just fell off the face of the earth. I'd be lying if I said that I am sitting here heart broken but it just seems strange that people think it's socially acceptable to pursue someone and treat them so nicely to then drop them like a basketball.

I can't say that I have never simply stopped calling and disappeared but it doesn't seem like such a big deal after one or two dates. Any more than that, however, I think some respectful closure is in order. Maybe I'm wrong? What do you think? At what point is it unacceptable to just stop dating without letting the other person know?

Monday, June 7, 2010

What Do You Want?


Have you ever gone to the ice cream store and had trouble choosing which flavour you want? Really, when they have dozens to chose from, how can it be an easy decision? Mint chocolate chip, vanilla, chocolate chunk, strawberry swirl, there are so many delicious options!

And, if it's so hard to chose an ice cream flavour, how is one supposed to make life decisions? How are we supposed to know what kind of career to pursue, where we want to live and who we want to be with? To some, this seems to fall into place but if you are like me, it's a constant blur.

You see, I think a lot of people find a job they are okay with, a house that is just a place to sleep and a spouse that they can tolerate. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I see this type of complacency all the time. Isn't there more to life than that?

Well, I don't know of there is be but I definitely think there should be. Is it really because it's so easy to settle or is it because, like at the ice cream store, so many people don't know what they want.

When I have no idea what I want, I just pick something and stick with it. That's not a big deal for an ice cream flavour or a week end plan; however, it's another ball game when you're dealing with life altering choices such as a boyfriend/spouse.

All of this blabber has to do with one of the million conclusions I have come to recently: many people do not know what they want so they just take something that comes along and seems okay and that's that. Complacency ensues and the fear of loneliness or never finding anything better sets in. What can one do to avoid this common trap? And, when you think about it, do you really know what you want?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Romance

What is romance? Is it flowers and chocolates? Is it long walks on the beach? Is it a passionate kiss? Or is it simply the warm fuzzy feeling that someone gives you when you are together?

Regardless, it seems that most of us are seeking some kind of romance in our lives. Why might this be? Well, I think that we are just programmed this way. To me, it's just that simple.

Either way, I got home this evening and unloaded some things out of my van. Somehow, on a daily basis, my vehicle always manages to look like a tornado blew through it. I shuffled around my stuff trying to fit everything into my two hands and then headed towards the door of my building. From a distance, I saw that there was a stuffed animal type flower sticking out of the wall in the doorway.

I thought that this was interesting since it was the same type of flower that one of my dates, Mystery, gave me on our first date about a month ago. He had arrived to pick me up with the same type of flower and had said, "I brought you this flower because it will never die." I thought that was sweet and I still have the cute flower with a wire stem and smiley face sitting on my couch.

So tonight, with my hands overloaded with stuff, I walked towards my building and saw that this similar flower had a note attached to it. I was shocked when I saw that the note had my name on it. Perplexed and excited, I took the items and hauled all the stuff upstairs, thrilled to open and read my mysterious message.

The nearly blank piece of paper read, "Have a great week end beautiful." (signed, my date, Mystery). Cute? Yes. Romantic? Indeed. A surprise? Without a doubt. The first time anything like this has ever happened? Absolutely.

So, again, what is romance? Everyone has their own definition of it but I'd say that this thoughtful and sweet action was definitely romantic to me. Would you agree?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A Great Boyfriend

Can you believe that dating can be more tiring than bike riding? How is is possible that going out for dinner or drinks can be more exhausting than hauling yourself and a bike up a mountain? That doesn't sound logical but somehow, it's true. I guess it's because I didn't just go on a couple of dates but a whopping fifty dates.

In order to recover, I could have taken a day to do nothing. Really, do nothing. But instead, I took a day off to gallivant around the mountains on my bike. And it was absolutely fantastic. I couldn't have had a dreamier day. No man's company could have compared to the feeling of the sun peeking through the clouds and the warm air hitting my face as I barreled down technical single track trails.

You see, the bicycle is a great boyfriend. I can ride him as much as I want and he never talks back. A real live boyfriend would be fantastic in the long run, but my Trek will do in the meantime.

So, yes, I took a day off and spent it outside and I feel like a whole new person. I am refreshed and energized. I am happy and relaxed. But most of all, I am more prepared than ever for anything to be thrown my way and to continue conquering life in the city as a single lady.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Dirty Story to Finish Off With

As you know, I took Easy on a date last night for the final date of 50 Dates in 50 Days. We had a great time and to switch things up a bit, Easy did the blog writing, picked the nickname and of course, chose the title. Enjoy:

There is something surprisingly nice about having a woman pick you up for a date; especially when that someone is a dating expert like my date yesterday who will be known as Dirty Girl. Now get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not what you think. After all, she did call me Easy!

Dirty Girl picked me up and whisked me away on a day full of all of her “favourite things.” It began with a bite to eat at her favourite lunch spot and then proceeded to another one of her favourite places that "begins with S and ends in S" ... it had tarbuck in the middle. This girl loves Starbucks as this was the first of two times we visited Starbucks... in two different cities. Well, I don't know if Canmore is technically a city or not, but that's where she took us to next. But not before announcing that we would be having a double date, and going mountain biking with one of her best friends and her date of choice.

Picture this... a beautiful girl with long blond hair, sweaty, covered in mud, stoked to be hanging out with you in the mountains on a mountain bike, rides up with a big smile on her face, and gives you a big hug. For a man who loves mountains and mountain biking as much as I do, this is about as good as it gets. :) There is something so irresistible to me, about how Dirty Girl (yes I named her that because of the mud, stop thinking anything different now) can get dirty and sweaty and love it, and then hours later look stunning in a cocktail dress at a social event. Having both of those worlds in one... HOT!

After biking, we met up with some of her most treasured friends, a Canmore couple who she loves dearly. When you are getting to know someone, it's always interesting to meet the people who are most important in their life. Dirty Girl has some amazing people in her life and I felt honoured that she would share them with me.

Upon arriving home to Calgary, we stopped at the grocery store to pick up ingredients to make a wonderful dinner together. This was a really nice way to finish off our day together. Working on something where both people contribute is such a good exercise for people to engage in when getting to know each other. You get to see how the other party works and communicates. Well, I would have, except my date was preoccupied with sending emails with photos to Breakfast Television for her interview the next morning. So I was stuck with the arm share of dinner preparation!

All in all, it was a really good date. Do I think I will see this Dirty Girl again...time will tell. But I think so :)

Thanks for the votes!
Easy