Day: 15
Dates Remaining: 32
Good Evening. So, what do you think of "The Reach?" You know, the reach for the wallet when the bill comes? The awkward stumble when you have to figure out who is going to pay? The moment of truth when you have to decide who is going to fork over the cash and take care of the bill that has been burning a hole through the table? The uncomfortable shuffle around pockets in search of credit cards or a quick way out?
Okay, I have said enough. You get it, taking care of the bill. Err, I hate that moment of the date. It is worse than any awkward silences combined. It is even worse than finding out that I have had a huge piece of spinach in my teeth for the duration of the evening. In fact, it may even be worse than a horrible kiss.
Recently, the bill has been a hot topic of conversation among my friends. Of course, most of my female friends love when the male pays. The ladies that I have spoken to say that it is a sign of respect and chivalry. It makes them feel special.
Most guys say that they will pay for the first date, especially if they have requested the outing and picked the spot. However, numerous guys have said that they think that The Reach, when a lady reaches for her wallet, is very important. I found this very interesting. Why do guys want to see The Reach if they had planned to pay all along? I guess to them it's a sign of respect and courtesy as well.
However, I know some men who absolutely refuse to let the girl pay on the first date and want nothing to do with a silly reach for the wallet. I guess it's all personal preference.
Now, the tricky part comes on the second date. Then what? If the guy has already kindly paid for the first date, what happens on the next one? Does the female owe the male? Should it be split?
Again, I guess it all depends. But when someone tells me they are taking me out and then I get stuck with the bill, I get rather irritated. I'm not going to lie, this has happened numerous times and somehow, it happened again tonight.
Last week, Speed Racer, who you may remember from a week and a half ago, told me that he wanted to take me to a nice dinner downtown. We made our way to a new restaurant and had a great dinner filled with good conversation and tasty food. Dessert, my favourite part of the meal, was brilliantly sweet and delicious. Overall, it was a solid date and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Speed Racer.
Then, the unavoidable moment of the evening came and the bill made its way to our table. It sat there, and sat there, and sat there. In fact, the server kept coming by to check if a credit card had been placed on the table. To his dismay, we were taking forever.
Speed Racer had said that he wanted to take me out but after the bill had burned a hole through the table, I threw on my coat, grabbed the bill and took it up to the till since the waiter had long given up on us. I handed the bill to the server behind the till and Speed Racer conveniently excused himself to the bathroom. (I have a few friends who have a theory that girls do this on purpose to avoid paying). I have never done this but perhaps I was being taken for a fool tonight?
You know, I really don't mind paying for a date, but not when someone says they are taking me out. Since this was the case, he could have at least asked to split it? I don't want to sound unreasonable, as my goal is not to have people treat me to everything, but if I had said that I was taking him out, then the bill would have unquestionably been mine to take care of. That was, however, not the case.
Regardless, I took care of it and we walked back to his car where we went our separate ways. In the end, the biggest disappointment of the evening was not that I paid the bill, but that he did not even say thank you. That hurt. But, it's all in the name of the dating game, right? You know, I'd love to hear some thoughts on bill paying etiquette so feel free to write a comment to 50datesin50days@gmail.com. I'm always curious to hear various opinions about topics such as this one. Good night!
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Speed Racer totally dropped the ball. Way on your side here - whoever asks for the date should be paying!
ReplyDeleteThat's not a guy thing - that's just being proper. Geez, that's such poor form on his part.
As this was the 2nd date, perhaps you could have offered to split. But he should've paid anyways.
And yeah, no 'Thank you' ... definitely drop this guy until he learns some manners.
He failed. If he wanted to take YOU to a fancy restaurant and made you put on the pants to pay the bill than he's cut, or should be. If he expected you to pay this should have been clearly communicated before going to a fancy restaurant. Especially to disappear to the washroom, lol. Least he weeded himself out early. If this was a money issue, than don't go to a fancy restaurant. And why a fancy restaurant anyways? Unless it's a place he frequents often and this is a normal aspect of his life. It sends all the wrong messages. It always seemed manipulative to me. The first couple dates are meant to explore each other worlds, and personalities. Doing things out of character and being nicer than you actually are is in essence manipulative. A man cannot impress a women into liking him. Attraction is a deep seeded and primitive emotion. If the women likes you, a fancy restaurant is no different than McDonalds as long as long as the man is interesting. To clarify however, I would never condone a McDonalds first date, haha. A McFlurry with your BigMac dear?
ReplyDeleteWhat's with this reach thing anyways? It's such a boyish mentality. All these adults pretending to be men. If you need to make a women feel uncomfortable to test her than you're not much of a man. If you have no idea how to read a women, and what she is about take a class on body language, and psychology. Even better, read a popular romance novel. You'll learn everything you need to know. With proper work personally there is no need for games, transparency is key. If you're a truly interesting and fun individual there is no need for mystery, life is mysterious enough. People put up these fronts to mask what's missing underneath. This works for a period of time, but women are 10x more adept to read body language and situations than men, and they will find out who you truly are. If it's not communicated beforehand, man up and pay the bill. When has a women ever in the history of man-kind been angry because of this? If the man gets a gut feeling that she is just using him for a free dinner, than pay up and move on. No women wakes up and wishes she doesn't meet someone amazing and special, and playing these boyish games just makes it so her knight in shining armour is nothing more than a douche bag in tin-foil.
A man doesn't need to play games.
Just because he paid for the first date doesn't mean that you automatically have to pay for the second date.
ReplyDeleteHe also handled the situation extremely poorly. I agree with spatart that he did not need to take you to such a nice place if he was worried about the money.
I think its straight up rude for anyone to run to the bathroom when the check arrives. Boy or Girl.