Sunday, July 11, 2010

Changing


Think about how hard it is to change something about yourself. If you're like me, that does not happen easily. There is really nothing wrong with that but if it's so hard to change yourself, why do some people think that they can change someone else?

People don't change. At least, it does not happen very often and usually if someone does change, it's only a temporary fix. Old behaviours and habits tend to resurface and one simply cannot alter their values overnight. That would be like asking a dog to become a cat; it just doesn't happen.

The other day, a few of my male friends were talking to me about some of the women who have dated them and got into the relationship because to these women, it was like a project. They wanted to have a boyfriend who they could work on and mold to be exactly what they want.

I thought that that was ludicrous. It just doesn't make sense to me! Men are not silly putty to be molded into the perfect, dreamy man. I think that if that's what some women are doing, they really have to re-think their tactics and the men they are choosing.

People can stop biting their nails or start putting their socks in the hamper but big changes can't happen via nagging. If someone wants to make a significant change it has to come from within and not because their significant other wants them to be a certain way.

My Dad once said to me, "If someone does something that bothers you once, it could just be a slip. However, after two or three times, it's a pattern and it won't change. So either you accept it or you move on."

Being an engineer, my Dad does see things in black and white but nonetheless, he made a valid point. He told me this a few years ago when I was dating a guy who was regularly making commitments and then failing to follow through. It was driving me crazy and even after addressing my concern with him, he continue to make promises that he wouldn't keep.

So I listened to my Dad's words of wisdom and broke up with the guy. He wasn't going to change and I certainly wasn't going to change him. People are the way they are and it's important to like someone for who and how they are and never try to alter their ways because I think that that will only lead to pain and frustration and life is too short for that.

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