Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Friend Zone


Is the friend zone the end zone? Once you have a good friendship with a member of the opposite sex, does that mean that the potential for romance is down the tubes?

I was having this conversation with a buddy last week and we didn't come to much of a conclusion. I don't think there are rules about this phenomenon but once a strong friendship is developed, it's definitely hard to make a change.

You see, I've been in a few situations where I've found myself attracted to a good friend but totally unable to do or say anything about it for fear of ruining the friendship. There is also that horrible, unbearable feeling known as rejection that gets in the way of the truth.

What's even worse is when you meet someone who you really like and the feelings are mutual. But then you end up spending so much time together that you move into this infamous friend zone and it becomes awkward to think of having things any other way even though there was such a potential for this at the start.

I guess the fear is that no one wants to step out of the comfort of the friendship for fear of ruining the situation. But here is my question, can you really have a true friendship if someone has hidden feelings? I feel that this is not possible because deep down inside these feelings could be tearing one person apart and driving them crazy.

However, my buddy with whom I was having this conversation disagrees. He thinks that it is absolutely essential for any healthy relationship to be based on a good friendship. Therefore, according to him, regardless of whether or not one person has feelings, the friendship can be true.

I see his point; however, the friendship can only go on with hidden feelings for so long. I feel strongly about this because I have been in a situation a few years ago where I had feelings for a close friend but never said anything for fear of ruining the friendship and creating social discomfort amongst our group of friends. In the end, my feelings left me unfulfilled and eventually the friendship disintegrated.

Either way, the friend zone is a tricky place. It's scary to profess feelings to a friend but is it worth it to keep them a secret? But overall, the big question is, how do you avoid being stuck in the friend zone?

4 comments:

  1. Si tu es vraiment ami et lui aussi alors dis lui tes sentiments, au contraire, c'est plus facile je crois qu'à un inconnu. C'est l'amitié est bien là alors même s'il n'a pas les même sentiments il restera, après faut pas courir après bien sûr, mais peut-être quelques temps plus tard il voudra être avec toi après réflexion?! Ca a failli être Ok pour moi dans une semblable histoire il y a 8 ans mais j'ai trop insisté, elle trouvait ça fou, finalement on est encore amis!

    Maintenant il y a toujours les "coups de foudre", chaque couple a des histoire un peu différentes, amitiés, coups de fourdre, copain d'un copain ou copine, rencontre dans un bar ou en soirée, au travail...

    Bonne chance
    PS: j'espère qu'il fera beau dans les rockies.

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  2. I'm all for the friend scenario. I started dating one of my best friends after 4.5 years. I was afraid to tell him how I felt, but I thought that if he didn't feel the same way, then life would go on. I have now been married to him for 8.5 years. I couldn't have asked for a better man as my hubby. Like you said about your friend, you might ruin the friendship if you do, you might ruin the friendship if you don't. Better to have loved and lost that to have never loved at all. Isn't that the saying? Hope everything works out for you.

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  3. whatever happened to Easy?

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  4. Haha, your friend was testing the waters..

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