Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Is This Okay?

Me (to a friend): Hey, do you want to do dinner Thursday night?

Friend: Well, I’m not sure, I’ll have to see.

Me: Oh, what do you have going on?

Friend: I just have to check with _______ (input significant other’s name).

Me: What do you guys have planned?

Friend: Nothing, but I just have to check to make sure that it’s alright to do dinner.

Me: Oh, right.


This type of conversation happens way too often and to this day, I will never understand it. Why do people feel compelled to schedule their entire existence around their significant other’s life?

It is understandable, for example, if Thursday night is “date night” and it is the same every week so if the plan has to change, it’s good to run it by the other person. However, on a given night when nothing else has been scheduled, why must people still check with their boy/girlfriend before making a plan?

It would also be different if kids were in the picture because I understand that one can’t just take off for an evening, leaving the other to hold down the fort. But if it’s just two people who may or may not be living together, should each person not be able to make their own decisions regarding their social schedule?

As the single person, it becomes a bit irritating when people always have to check with someone before committing to do something. However, what’s worse is when people only call me to hang out when their significant other is working or has already made plans. It is not uncommon for a good friend to call me and say: “My boyfriend is working tonight, do you want to hang out?”

So what, the only time we can spend time together is when he is working?

Relationships look like they can be great and a ton of fun. But something about the concept of checking in with someone before making a plan causes my stomach to turn. Hopefully, if I land myself in a relationship, this type of behaviour does not become the norm and I am able to maintain control of my social agenda.

2 comments:

  1. Ok, I don't know the circumstances around your friends situations but I know my life is crazy busy (FT student and working evenings) and that sometimes I've been forced to prioritize between friends, family and significant others.
    So it makes sense to me when my friends do the check in on me. If I can't expect them to work their schedule around my time off, I shouldn't expect that of them

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  2. Couples tend to have mutual commitments, like seeing family together, or going to dinner parties together, etc. So while it's probably fine to do something without a partner's permission, it's generally best to make sure you're not flaking out from their grandmother's birthday. So, checking to see if new plans with friends conflicts with previously made plans together, that one person in the couple may not know about, or may have forgotten, is a good idea.

    Plus, if the new plans are not one-on-one, maybe the significant other might want to join in, or knows some hot stud to surreptitiously invite to this group event, to introduce you to..

    It probably sounds mildly insulting, to hear a friend say that their significant other is busy, so they have time for you, but for people with active social calendar's it's a near necessity to manage available time slots, based on when people are actually available. It's like socialising tetris, where a definite free spot is a perfect place to fill with one-on-one time with others, leaving the unknowns time slots free for whatever may pop-up.

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