Lava What?

I took the plunge. I dove in head first. I jumped right into the fire and signed up for Plenty of Fish and Lavalife.

First, I registered for Plenty of Fish. Wow, are there ever plenty of fish in that online sea. It’s more like a vast ocean full of fish seeking a mate. Some of them are swimming at warp speed, eager to meet up after only exchanging a couple of e-mails. Others, however, ask a million questions and want to know every last detail about me. Nonetheless, I have had numerous guys asking me out so it should not be too hard to drum up a few dates from this site.

Then, there was Lavalife. Little did I know that when you sign up for this service, your profile goes into three sections: dating, relationship and intimate.

Regardless, I signed into my account and was thrilled to have an Instant Message right away. It was a simple, “Hi, how are you” to which I responded immediately before reviewing the guy’s profile. Instead of continuing with small talk as I thought he would, I was completely floored when he said: “You look like one sexy, naughty little girl and I would love to rip your clothes off and lick you all over….. You will see in my profile that I have a wife and kids and I hope that that is okay with you.”

What? Was this for real? Of course that was not okay with me! I was so shocked that I almost fell off my chair. I had to read that twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I couldn’t figure out why someone would write something so ridiculous and rude. It was then that I realized that my profile had also been posted to the “intimate” section of the site. To these animalistic men, I was fresh meat.

I quickly learned that having a profile on the intimate section is like being at the mercy of a bunch of caged animals suddenly let free. They attack quickly and with full force. Unwilling to be their prey, I fumbled around the site, frantically attempting to get my information off of this sexual meat market.

However, before I knew it, six more horny guys had sent me equally filthy messages. It was as though the guys were sitting around on Lavalife, waiting for someone new to sign on so they could gear up and strike fast. It was like a stampede of sex drives invading my computer screen. Finally, I figured out how to get my details off of the intimate section and peace was resumed.

Since then, I have received a few regular e-mails on Lavalife and regular communication continues on Plenty of Fish. So far, I have to say that I’m finding internet dating to be quite fun. There are so many profiles to fish through and you can even narrow down your search to try to find exactly what you are looking for. It’s as glorious as shopping for ice cream in a store with thousands of flavours to chose from! Despite the creepy messages on Lavalife, the experience thus far has been rather positive but I’m sure it will only get more interesting as time goes on and as I start meeting these guys for dates in person.