Have you ever noticed that many relationships end after three months? I don't know what it is with the three month mark but something shifts at that time. Maybe someone gets scared of commitment? Perhaps someone drops the L-bomb too soon? Or is it that people's true colours finally start to shine through?
I don't have the answer to these questions but I do know for certain that something changes at the three month point. If I look back, I have had many situations that lasted just three months. It was almost like clockwork. Things started getting tense, we both wanted different things and the little spark that once was fizzled.
So would it not make more sense to just get to know someone for three months before starting to date? Perhaps developing a solid friendship first is the way to go?
I decided to write about this topic because it has come up in conversation numerous times over the past couple of days. One person I was talking to said that after three months, he found that girls' faults and craziness started to show and that's what freaks him out about the three month mark. Another friend of mine said that if a relationship is to be successful, the couple should wait three months before becoming intimate.
As for myself, my past three month relationships ended because I found that at this point, the honeymoon stage was over and I had gotten to know the person a lot better and had learned that there were too many negative qualities that would get in the way of a healthy relationship.
Either way, regardless of the situation, something happens at the three month mark. I wish I had answers to this mysterious time line but I will never know exactly how to describe this phenomenon. I can, however, say for certain that I, just like many others, am aware and weary of this three month turning point.
I think that the 3 month honeymoon period covers the amount of time that you can be in the moment, with little expectations, simply enjoying each other. People can put in that extra effort of going above and beyond, fueled by the excitement of something new. Beyond that, people want to be more comfortable, and connect in a deeper and truer fashion. This involves showing more sides of oneself, including the less stellar ones. With this comes more expectations, and a greater awareness of how the other fits in with one's long-term plans.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to get real at some point. I just question, when people have an established pattern, of no one measuring up, beyond the 3 month mark, how much they may have unrealistic expectations of others.
And the idea of waiting 3 months, while trying to be just friends, is probably a bad idea, in this day and age. That's a very high time investment, into a single individual, if dating exclusively, for keeping things artificially distant. Otherwise, if not being exclusive, that opens many potential trust and attraction problems. If someone was "just being friends", while dating other people, for such an extended period of time, I doubt that would live up to people's romantic expectations of "the one". At best you would end up in the friend zone, and at worst people would feel cheated on, and would develop trust issues.